S W 1 t C H 3 D
by Saba-chan
Summary: What would you do if your weak hanyou half-brother's wench and you swap bodies?Here I am Sesshoumaru, Lord of the Western lands stuck in some lowly humans body, forced into wearing an indecently short kimono and having foul male humans treat ME like a...
1. WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?

S \/\/ 1 t C I-I 3 I (switched)  
  
Kagome sighed as she slipped in to the warm water of the hot spring that was discovered near to their camp. Slipping her headphones over her ears she closed her eyes and felt her muscles fall into relaxation.  
  
Sesshoumaru stripped his body of his armour and silken kimono. Folding it carefully he placed it upon the stony foundation around the hot spring. Letting out an annoyed sigh as he held a lock of his silver hair stained by some weak Youkai's entrails. So okay, normally he didn't get covered in Youkai's remains but this one in particular had exploded covering him and his surroundings with it's bodily organs and fluids. Letting a slight frown crease his features as he ran his clawed fingers through his hair in an attempt to remover the entrails without the obvious aid of soap. Inhaling deeply his refined senses picked up the scents of the hot springs thick air. Dunking his head below the heated surface of the clear water, he rinsed his hair free of the entrails that stained his silvery locks. Resurfacing his lungs took in the air around him, this time noticing the subtle change in the springs scent. Frowning delicately he spread out his senses to zone in on the point of the airs intrusion.  
  
Rising up from the waist deep water that rippled away from his body as he walked toward the different sent. Stealthy rounding a boulder in the middle of the spring he was currently resided in. The naked figure of an almost ethereal body came into his vision. The full moons light gave the body's pale skin a milky glow. As he came closer recognition flooded his mind at the sent of the body. "Inu-Yasha's wench" his deep sooth voice hissed into the still air. His golden eyes narrowed at the unclothed figure, Raising his clawed hand into the air he let his poisoned claw gather ready for the soon to come death of his half-brothers miko companion. 'With out this wench in the way, Inu-Yasha's attacking capability will inedibility become much more reckless and powerless.' Sesshoumaru cracked his knuckles for the ready 'Just like him to become weakened by this mere human' A smirk graced his face 'The Tetsusaiga will be mine'.  
  
Kagome's miko senses sparked at the detection of a noticeably close and strong youkai presence. Snapping her eyes open she immediately sat upright rigidly. Causing her headphone cord to pull her disc-man off the bank of the hot spring and towards the hot water below. Sesshoumaru sped towards the wide-eyed human, with his youkai speed. Bringing his claw down for the killing blow, just as a bright blue light engulfed the youkai and miko.  
  
-oO0o-oO0oO0OooO0Oo-o0Oo-  
  
I let out a low groan from my place against, what felt like the hot spring bank. Massaging the side of my head in vain hopes the pain that felt as though 10 tonne of bricks landed on my head Groaning again I tried to move my head into a more comfortable position, That's when I notice the hot spring bank was moving. Blinking one eye open my sight was clouded with black. Grumbling I pulled my ebony locks out of my sight only to have the moving "bank" tense and let out an annoyed hiss. Blinking again I sat up off the hissing bank only to come face to face with a pair of cold blue eyes. Leaping back in shock, my own eyes widened in shock as I frantically pointed at the sight that met my vision "Gug..muund..furrh..reec..ii..waaaaaa?" a utterly freaked deep voice babbled out. The blue eyed figure growled menacingly at me "What the hell did you do wench?" and oh so familiar voice bit out coldly. I did the only logical thing I could think of. Faint.  
  
A.N: Hello people or Internet space if no one's there, you are there? Right? right? Well anyway this is my new story, my first Inuyasha story. I got this idea when I was at work. It was about 7:30 in the morning, the time where everything seems like a great idea and had the whole story written out so by the time my consciousness kicked in (usually after walking into the oven for the 20 times. Seriously I have the bruises to prove it.) And so when I went to write out the story on the back of napkins all I could remember was small snip-its. So as the story goes I have no idea how I'm going to get to snip-its I can remember. And that's where my usual writing technique kicks in, 2am hyped up on sugar and a computer keyboard at my mercy with the end result of everybody getting naked, well probably just Sesshoumaru, And getting transported to the planet of the carnivorous Chibi's. Trust me it's happened before. So if you want to give any suggestions AT all for the in between snip-its (ahh I love that word, Snip-its. Hehehe funny) Just send them to my e-mail, Where-ever it is. and they will be taken into great consideration and if used or helps branch off and idea you will have the chapter dedicated to you and my thanks (bows on knees with head to the floor "please help mee!") So I guess that's it for now or the A.N. will be longer that the first chapter. 


	2. Never trust hormone induced voices

A.N. Runs around house giggling madly. Runs into a wall falls and laughs. Gets up again and resumes running around giggling like an idiot. Trips over a chair a lands face first into the coffee table laughs again continues running around strangely resembling a 3 yr old on a sugar high. Finally sits down in front of the computer, grinning like a mental patient who got into the medicine cabinet. ' I'm just so happy that I received so many reviews from you guys!! Especially since it was one day after I posted it. I didn't think you guys would like it. I really had my doubts if anyone would review it but I was determined to post it anyway and now I just feel so LOVED' cries dramatically and hugs everyone in the room (which currently consists of my B.Bro who's strong points are grunting, being a jerk and..let me think.nope that's about it.) So I'd like to thank the following people who made this chapter possible, the guy who fixed the computer, the power company that brought the power back on from the 30 minute black-out so sufficiently. My cat ( I'll come back to you on that reason). The creepy old lady that stalks me, who kept me inside the house to type this chapter, she's very creeeeeeeeepy...*side glances out the window where a 72 year old woman with a walking frame slows down and glares back mouthing 'You'll have to come out sooner or later' and is very tempted to give the old lady the finger in hopes of shocking her into cardiac arrest knowing I won't be able to perform CPR because technically I did fail first Aid.* and lastly my Work place instructor who has absolutely nothing for me to do leaving me free time to write the chapters.  
  
Thanks to: Sesshoumaru-dono-My first reviewer, its just such a special moment when people give you your first review and its not someone you know that your forced to review it. So THANK YOU!! You make it look like I'm not some pathetic loser who can't get anyone but my friends to review! THANKS TO ALL OF YOU!! Okay that was definitely an Award winning speech. You really think I should continue my story?! Well I'm continuing if for all of you guys!! Me too I would really like to see where I will take it...if it falls to old writing technique you know it's the planet of carnivorous Chibi's that their going. Youkai Taijiya Kihok- Well I'll try and read your story really I will! *huggles* glad you like it. Happy Dragon- heheheheeheh oh how Inu will react..*evil glint in eye* Blades of Ice- *strikes soilder pose* You got it Blades! ...I can call you blades?. Wildfire- YAY! You love my story!! Well I have to get to the gang sooner or later.... Kyoji's girl- Glad you like it! Chapter 2 her ya go. Abby normal- I did to I just thought it couldn't be Miroku cause it would just be..well porn, Inu-yasha.it coulda, but have you ever seen a episode or manga scene which references to him taking a bath? Plus Sesshoumaru was sexier and I just thought he must have so much going through his head it would be funny to see his reaction behind the emotionless mask. Sweecenck- SWEEEeeeeecNCK! Hehehe I love your name its so kewl and here is the update. Foureyedbookworm- I'm working on making them longer the first chapter was kinda to see if there was interest. d.g and crew- I see you share the same idea of torment for Sesshoumaru? Believe me this is just the beginning...BWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH * lightning strikes in background.* ktbabe202- Hm indeed...I can see it now..Miroku gropes Sess in Kag's body and Kag in sess's body sends him flying into a Inu who in turn calls Sess weak and gets 'Oswari'ed then Kag tries to cuddle Shippou who bites kag thinking its Sess, causing Kag to get upset and decides to calm down in a hot spring and non-thinking asks Sango to join her and WHAM boomerang embedded in her skull..hey I could use that... L-D- I thought so too, I was just there at work cutting dough contemplating my sanity like I normally do and suddenly it popped into my head, oh the hell I could put Sesshoumaru though for my own entertainment. Then I though other ppl deserved to see the torment my mind could produce. Bluebelldandy- Really??? You can tell? *Huggles* yay!! Someone loves my stoooory!! * said in a sing-song voice* Angelsexist- Promising...promising..makes me feel all upper class.PrOmIsInG I like the sound of that.. Ladyofthelake- oO0OooooO0Oooo can I have Excalibur? Please? I promise I'll only use it to brutally harm my brothers! Really! * gives puppy eyes* hmmmmmmm Inuyasha confesses love to Sesshoumaru..MHU AHAHAHAHAHAH oh the possibilities.I like. Sashlea- really me great? * blushes and kicks the floor in a shy manner* well I have a warped sense of humour, what's funny for me may be down right creepy for you. mv- NO DON"T DIE!!! You CAN"T DIE! I need your reviews!! Heres the chapter please JUST DON"T DIE!! Joanna-hmmm I guess you really like my story, 4 reviews..*wipes tear from eye* O2- YAY! Someone went hysterical over my story!! Okay maybe not a good thing but really kewl. Updating...well updated when u read.  
  
Eeep..my thanks and A.N. just reached 2 pages.. Well HUGGLES TO EVEYONE FOR REVIEWING!! You really brought a cause to my writings.  
  
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It's a peculiar feeling watching your body's eyes roll back into its head as it drops into a dead faint. I stood watching in utter disgust mixed with horror and MY body that had been perfectly groomed and engineered for so many years of gruelling hard work, in a matter of seconds succumb to weakness and it disappeared under the heated surface of the water around me. I stared mutely at my body that now contained that miko wench as it lay on the bottom of the spring.. The air bubbles breaking to the surface of the water became increasingly slower as time passed and my body had yet to break the surface again. Struck with the obvious realisation of that if the wretched woman failed to gain conscious soon. My powerful youkai body would die from lack of oxygen and therefore leaving me stranded in this pathetic excuse for a body. "God damn it!" I cursed under my breath as I plunged into the steaming water to pull my toned body out.  
  
Straining the weak humans obviously underdeveloped muscles to pull my much heaver youkai body to the surface deemed to be a far more difficult task than I had originally judged it to be. Oh why did I have to muscle toned? I silently question myself. The added remnants of youkai body slime from my last kills entrails only proved to make my task increasingly more difficult. That's it I'm going to bring that's blasted youkai back to life with the Tensaiga and kill it much more slowly and painfully with blunt rusty blades so I can hear that damn youkai scream for mercy until I become bored with its pleads. I smirked somewhat morbidly. Like that's ever going to happen.  
  
Finally able to heave my taller, heavier and unconscious frame out of the water with this pitiful excuse for a body I became trapped in. Dragging my body on the stony bank so it's lower half still resided in the water due to the fact I didn't really believe this brittle form would be able to pull the rest of my body out of the heated waters. Crawling pathetically on the stony bank in a manner less than elegant or graceful. I sat, more along the lines of collapsed in a upright position, next to my possessed unconscious body. I sighed tiredly before placing my usual ice mask over my now female face. A cold wind blew upon human prisons back, which was still slick with water and sweat causing the human form to involuntarily convulse with a shiver. Frowning darkly I turned my icy glare downwards to the offending body "Stupid, weak, sensitive hum- Hello.." My stare came into focus on my human prisons chest and the obvious effects of the cold wind.  
  
Being the calm, healthy clear minded youkai I was I did what any male in my situation would do. Became acquainted with my 'Feminine side'.  
  
At the risk of seeming perverted, I do NOT stoop to the low level of becoming aroused by a mere humans anatomy. I, Sesshoumaru, Lord of the western lands have extremely high standards that this humans body  
  
Just look at her long shapely legs..  
  
Can't even reach the level of my feminine idealist body.  
  
So soft..don't tell me your not even the littlest bit turned on?  
  
NO human can even compare with the lowest of female Youkai.  
  
Mmmm but wouldn't you like to run your tongue all over this creamy skin..  
  
I would rather eat dirt and be strangled by a mutant worm than be forced to see a naked human...  
  
Smooth delicate neck and soft silky hair that you could run your fingers...  
  
I am far to elite to be interested in these lowly organisms registered as HUMAN  
  
But you have to admit if you were still in your body you'd be scr-  
  
WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP?! I'm trying to not notice that..  
  
Mmmmm do tell.why do you just give in..I mean technically this IS your body and you could..accidentally brush YOUR chest...  
  
Okay If I do will you SHUT THE HELL UP?  
  
But of course..  
  
Goddamn, do you know out of all my personality voices you are the most annoying one?  
  
Oh, I love you too. Now get to work.  
  
I'm doing it now shut up. I mentally hissed to the hormone-induced voice as I lightly ran de-clawed fingertips causing a pleasurable shiver run down my spine.  
  
I told you so that oh so familiar voice taunted. I thought it said it would shut up? Lifting the well endowed cleavage I began to roll and knead the soft sensitive flesh causing me to stifle and especially loud moan. Darting my tongue out to wet my dry lips I moan again. And that's when I was brought back into reality buy a distinctive "AHEM"  
  
I cracked an eye open only to meet those of a steely gold colour. I could feel myself start to sweat and my breath become shallow and my heartbeat become erratic. Not exactly the reaction I was aiming for. The gold eyes darkened and the gaze became one like a sharp blade. Ever so slightly a silver eyebrow arched. "Having fun?"  
  
If I could I would have strangled that hormone-induced voice right about now..  
  
A.N. MWA HAHAHAHAAHAHAH my first cliffy..so how will Sesshoumaru react? Will there be more of that hormone-induced voice? What will Kagome do to poor little Fluffy? As soon an I work out what will happen I'll let you know!  
  
Oh yeah I thought I'd mention, I kinda liked the idea of Sesshoumaru having a personality that contrasted with his outward behaviour that no one has ever seen. So I think his personality might become more outwardly shown while he's in Kagome's body...  
  
So again if you have any suggestions don't hesitate to e-mail them to me and if I use them or branch an idea off them, you will have the chapter dedicated to you. Don't forget R&R!! 


	3. Lets talk about modesty

A.N. I have something very important to tell you all about this story...I have NO idea how to work Italics..I mean I italic it when I type it out but as soon as I upload it no Italics. So if SOMEONE could PLEASE tell me how to make it work I'd really appreciate it.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Sesshoumaru, Kagome and other Inuyasha characters. But I do like to think I own inner Fluffy and the story concept. .(Urrrg I keep forgetting to type the disclaimer so pretend I put one up on the other chapter.please?)  
  
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I froze. ME. One of the most powerful youkai's. Feared by many. RULER of the Western lands. Wielder of the Tensaiga and I froze. I couldn't think of a single damn remark to shoot back at the body thief. I couldn't just blurt out I was feeling myself up or I'd look as bad as a common human letch. "So...I see your...among the living." I said in a squeaking voice, not really the tone I was aiming for.  
  
Silver eyebrows raised slightly "Oh, thankyou for your concern Sesshoumaru. Now it you don't mind...GET YOUR BLOODY HANDS OFF MY CHEST, YOU HENTAI!!!" The miko screamed at me in a pitch I didn't think was possible without the aid of lower bodily damage. The wench hissed in pain and muttered something about stupid sensitive hearing. The ice glare returned to me. The gaze lowered the returned to my eye level and narrowed. "Remove your hands NOW or I will break them." The miko's deep voice demanded, venom dripping from her now masculine lips. If I didn't have the control my jaw would have dropped. I removed my hands in a matter of seconds. My, she's really is quite good at threatening people.  
  
"Sesshoumaru". Oh what now damn it? I give the wench a glare only to be countered by a 'Move and your brains will be splattered against the stone behind you' glare. I had to give it to her; she really did have a talent. "You have twenty seconds to give me one good reason why I shouldn't hurt you." The wench stated in a deadly voice. I stared in disbelief as the wenches golden eyes began to take on a reddish hint as the miko continued to glare at me. Oh just great. Everyone is out to get me, there's no doubt about it, the bloody miko would be transforming into my true form if I angered the damn bitch anymore. I wracked my brain for a non-anger inflicting answer. 'My chest was sore so I decided ti give it a relaxing massage' Oh yes great idea if I had a DEATH WISH. 'I was cold' probably couldn't pull that one off, I don't think the best con artist could. I'm so screwed..  
  
The wenches eyes were steadily becoming more red "Well" he growled out. "Uh.. WHATS THAT BEHIND YOU?!" I pointed frantically at anything random thing in the forest behind the wench. This so isn't going to wor- the wenches head whirled around to where I pointed and I took off in a run. I can't believe this worked.how dense can someone get? I speed in the opposite direction to where I had pointed pumping my legs faster. I dodged, leaped skidded around trees, logs and the debris scattered through out the forest. The cold wind that started this whole mess whipped around my bare body, as I continued to speed further into the forest. Arrg I forgot my damn clothes.  
  
Around 500 metres from the hot spring I was bent over, supporting my weight with one arm against a tree and the other on my knee as I panted as if there was no tomorrow. "Wreched 'huff huff' weak 'WHEEEZE' oh, stich 'huff ' hu- 'huff' human body 'WHEESE'" I huffed out into the quiet, still forest. I gulped down the sweet clear air around me as I continued, what felt like hyperventilating, to breathe. A pair of firm, rough hands clamped down on my bare shoulders, causing my natural reaction to take place "AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Since when was my natural reaction a girly scream? One of the hands covered my still screaming mouth (that I could seem to turn off.) and pulled me backwards into a hard, tall body. I was about ready to sink my non-sharp canines, encouraged by the 'KILL KILL!!' voice in my head, into the hand silencing my mouth. An extremely familiar voice inturupted my attack phase. "Damn Sesshoumaru, YOU of all people should know not to scream that loud." Next think I knew I had been spun around, so I was facing a very bare and muscular chest. I moved my vision upwards to the face of the inu-youkai marked features that once was my body. I did what I normally did, glared. "Sesshoumaru, I don't appreciate you parading about, absolutely NUDE while you're in my body. At least have SOME modesty." A faint pinkish hue stained my perfect unemotional youkai face. Strange.I thought I cut off all the blood cells from my face.  
  
I glared my icy glare at the stupid human "MODESTY?!" I snorted spitefully. "It's not like you have any modesty with that ridiculously short kimono you wear. You look like a cheap human whore." I bit out in a cold voice.  
  
HEY! I'd pay for her!  
  
Shut up, shut up. Just SHUT up  
  
Oh common, I'd know you'd pay too.  
  
That's it no more hormones for you. I continued to fight with the damn voice that nearly got me killed to begin with and was probably the reason why I didn't see a clawed hand fly through the air towards me. But I DID notice when it connected with my face causing me it be flung backwards into a tree with the mere force of it. "YOU BLOODY BITCH!" I screamed very uncharacteristically at the power boosted wench while clutching my battered jaw. Her golden eyes widened in horror " Oh shit oh shit! I forgot! GOMEN. Gomen gomen gomen gomen" The miko rushed forwards and pulled me up out of my crevice in the ground. I muttered incoherently under my breath while shooting murderous glares towards the wench. If human glares could kill the wench would be face down on the ground with crow youkai picking at her rotting corpse, then again I'd be stuck in this useless human body.  
  
"Bitch"  
  
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A.N. Hi again! Thankyou so much for your reviews! I was feeling down at school, one of my lecturers was being a complete cow and I read them during my break and they really cheered me up! So thanks again!  
  
Your idea's for the story have been fantastic and they've helped me out with the story planning a lot. I just need to work out how to write up to them ^-^' I'll figure it out sooner or later...probably later.  
  
Sorry about this chapter coming out later than the other ones but I wasn't that happy with this chapter I kept rewriting it, its actually longer than before.somehow. I'm not quite sure HOW though I took a lot of it out and changed a few bits. I'll do a review reply thingy later, my back and shoulders and hands are in a lot of pain, that'll teach me for riding on a round-about thingy meant for 5 yr olds... 


	4. Burare's The self pain inflicting device

A.N. *Music blares in background and Saba-chan can be seen dancing in a way that can only be described as..creepy.. * 'Do a little dance, write a little more, hope I get reviews tonight, reviews tonight' * Continues freaky dancing until you clear your throat loudly. Saba-chan freezes in mid dance move, coughs uncomfortably and sits at computer screen* Hello again...well here I am with chapter 4 and he he he he. Tell ANYONE about what you just saw and I will set my mutant attack worms on you.  
  
Well now that's over with I'd like to thank you guys on your reviews for chapter 3. I didn't think you guys would really like it, but there are reviews so YAY!! You guys are great!! *huggles* I'm still utterly CONFUSED on how to work italics which is rather sad...-_-'  
  
I was really tempted to write in chapter three 'encouraged by the 'KILL, FLUFFY, KILL!!' voice in my head' instead of 'encouraged by the 'KILL KILL!!' voice in my head' but does Sesshoumaru call himself Fluffy? Unfortunately.No.  
  
Thanks to (from chapter 2):  
  
LilFilipinoGurl: It is a rather unusual body trade isn't it? Me!!!: I actually didn't know there was Inu&Kag switching fics.and PMS is a definite cliché must. Sweecenck: I'm glad you thought it was funny, I wasn't quite to sure if the Sess feeling his body up was that appropriate but I just thought screw it I think its hilarious. d.g. and crew: Aww I love your reviews, they really make me laugh. Reminds me of my friends and me. Hehehe Fluffy getting it on.. I love that choice of terminology Kyoji's girl: Happy that you love my story. I'm just so ecstatic that ppl actually like my story. Nite: Yep I'm planning to. Just hope I can think of a finish ^ ^'.. Sierria_Falls: I know exactly how you feel about cliffy's, but as a writer I felt it my DUTY to write at least one cliff-hanger. Daria tvs: I just love making ppl laugh, especially when its not at me. I think inner Sess was just the alter ego I needed to make Sesshoumaru. Neko-sama: I hope your not in pain from laughing hard enough to make you cry. O2: I think I know what your talking about...I just have to get myself to type it out that way..^-^ Lindy*girl: It is isn't it? It's just like how all the good looking men are gay...oh wait...no Fluffy is straight in this story I think.well I'm not sure what paring it's gonna be but I guess I'm leaning more towards Sess/Kag BattleJoy W: Those are great ideas!! Wow..I wish I had a muse all I have is a hyperactive annoying little bro, a grunting B.Bro, a sis that I don't see and really twisted friends.. Atashi: You think so? Well it wasn't really HIM who was panting like as you said 'bitch in heat' it sort of Kagome's bodily reactions mixed in as well. Mikomi: *blushes* thankyou. ChibiMinko: hehehe will do! Soudesuka-Shurikens: arg that one took me a while to spell right.hehe I have something else in mind. Kagome5: Keeping it up. I hope. Katzzar: hehehe thanks for the.er. support. ^-^' xangelwingsx: Thanks for pointing out the 'G' rating I thought I had set it on 13+ . foureyedbookworm: I'm still trying to work out the italics.I had typed them that way! Really!  
  
The Miko had half dragged half carried me back to the hot springs. Dropped me onto the stony ground with a painful thud, not that I'd ever show it, And so now I was here sitting cross-legged with a strange garment on my lower half and currently getting something the wench called a 'Bur-are' attaching itself with small hooks. Pulling at the 'Bur-are' where it looped over my weak shoulders in a attempt to make it more comfortable. The stretchy strip of cloth slipped out of my feminie hands and flicked back onto the soft skin of my shoulders resulting in what can only be described as.pain.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL?! Why have you forced this 'bur-are', this.. PAIN INFLICTING DEVICE on me?! Why the fuck do I have to wear this?" I indicated to the flimsy purple thing attached to my chest. Only a human wench would devise something like this 'Bur-are' to make things more painful than before. Feh. Women.  
  
She glared dangerously back at me "FIRST of all is a BRA not bur-are. BRA. Second it gives you support trust me you'll need it, and third I have a NAME. It's KAGOME. So use it!" The male voice demanded in a clipped tone. I was almost speechless, ALMOST; Thank the Gods for the speech I'd been programmed to say since I could talk.  
  
"I, Sesshoumaru, will not be ordered around by some pathetic human, GO IT wench?" I spat out in a cold icy voice I was surprised this body could possess. The Golden glare hardened "Well, If you haven't noticed YOU are the 'Pathetic human' and I am the Powerful Youkai lord of the western lands. SO do as your told or I'll get violent, and don't think I won't" She lifted a clawed fist threatening. ..Violent woman.  
  
I frowned moodily. This just isn't my day.. My vision black from the clear sight I previously had. Oh Just perfect, I get stuck in a human body that's going blind from old age. This is absolutely great, next thing I know I'm going to go bal- "SESSHOUMARU" A angry male voice yelled at me "hun?" well so much for a superior vocabulary..  
  
"For the FITH time. Put you arms through the sleeves or don't you know how to dress yourself?" The angry woman cut out into the thick hot spring air. Grudgingly I threaded these frail human arms through the sleeves of the garment over my head. Okay so maybe this human body wasn't going blind but I'll bet this body still is going to go bald.."WHAT THE HELL??" I pulled at the garment now covering my upper body. This is her incredibly revealing kimono Over my dead body. I wouldn't be caught dead wearing this "Where the hell are MY clothes?" I demanded furiously "I'm going to wear them. Unless you want you body to be walking around in MY uniform." I glared at the wench. 'Arrrg. Damn her. Damn her!' "FINE, but as soon as we get to my castle I'm burning this garment and I want you out of my clothes." The miko snorted, "Who said were going back to your castle?" She raised an eyebrow questionably. Conniving bitch.  
  
I produced the most threatening glare this body could muster and by the wenches reaction it wasn't all that threatening. "Wench." I muttered only to be 'Lightly' smacked upside of my head. " I heard that" The miko hissed at me. "You do realise that at this rate, when you get your body back it's going to be broken in half and suffering from internal bleeding right?" She snorted again. "I'm quite aware of how hard I hit you and honestly you seem perfectly fine from when you went flying into that tree, Fluffykins" The woman said sarcastically. She stalked off to find some other piece of clothing. As soon as she left I dead-panned "Fluffykins?"  
  
The miko walked back to me with a piece of green material in hand and gave me a long stare before she forced what she called a 'scurt' on me rather roughly, which was more than necessary. Damn spiteful woman.  
  
A.N. Argggg . I have the worst hand cramp..and I'm sleepy and I'm broke and urrrg..my little bro is so annoying right now. I'm sorry!! I know this chapter is short I'll work on making the next one longer. Really I'll try!! I'd like to thank you guys again for your reviews. They really do help with inspiration. In case your wondering Inu might be turning up next chapter or maybe the next.I haven't really decided. Well until the next chapter! R&R!!  
  
Saba-chan 


	5. Walking like a cowboy & a newfound hobby

A.N. Hey I'm back armed with choc-chip cookies, hot fudge smothered ice- cream, skittles, Pepsi, my mentally unstable mind on sugar high and the weirdest ideas that have nothing to do with Switched.  
  
Sorry about the lack of updates but I have had no phone line for 3 weeks now, so no access to my beloved internet unless I want to go to the public library and suffer the company of my friends annoying boyfriend.  
  
This first part is in Kagome's point of view.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, Rumiko Takahashi does.unfortunately.  
  
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Having switched bodies with one of the many enemies I've gained over my shard collecting, I've decided on something.  
  
I have a whole lot of newfound respect for the male species. Any person who can walk normally with 9 inches of sausage down their pants deserves my undying awe. I have NO idea how they can live their day-to-day life and be able to walk normally while I try to and end up pulling an impersonation of a cowboy. It is the most unbelievably awkward thing I've ever had to endure.  
  
It just moves on its own, Personally I want to know WHY such "powerful" demon can destroy hundreds of youkai and be feared by many and yet have NO control of their third leg. Give me PMS any day.  
  
As straight forward as Sesshoumaru's clothing my seem, It becomes increasingly more difficult the more times you try and put it on successfully. Personally I thought the first 20 times were perfectly fine. Unfortunately for me Sesshoumaru didn't happen to think so.  
  
Sesshoumaru circled my heightened form. Giving a critical eye to my 21st try at dressing 'Immaculately' as he so lovingly called it. And men say women take forever to dress themselves.  
  
In a way that could only be described as elegant, Sesshoumaru picked a stray hair off my silk clad shoulder. He eyed me with the out of the corner of his turned blue eyes, His expressionless mask in check.  
  
"Do it again." Sesshoumaru said in an almost casual tone.  
  
I never realise how hard it was to resist that 'Hurt! Kill! Destroy!' voice until now. So you DO learn something new everyday. I settled for punching (and destroying) a boulder, if this was some twisted way of getting back at me for forcing him to wear my uniform, he was more warped than I thought. Now that I think about it..WHY am I letting him boss me around when I have the upper hand?..I have no idea.  
  
Grabbing the much shorter Sesshoumaru by the front of his shirt I pulled him up to my hight "I am not redressing myself just to please you, I don't CARE if any youkai of importance saw your body dressed not to your level of perfection and that you would never live it down. I don't want to waste time dressing to your standards" I hissed through clenched teeth.  
  
A bored haze crossed Sesshoumaru's eyes. "Release me, wench" He commanded in a monotone.  
  
I let go and he ended up sprawled out on the ground. Other's pain makes it so much easier to bare.  
  
I picked up Sesshoumaru's giant fur muff (well that's what it looks like) and looped it over my shoulder and I glanced in Sesshoumaru's general direction. "Lets go"  
  
I started walking towards where Inuyasha and the others had set-up camp, but at the lack of following footsteps I stopped and turned back towards where Sesshoumaru still stood.  
  
"Move it, I haven't got all day." I frowned.. no response from the almighty youkai lord.. maybe he died standing up? With my luck he most likely did.  
  
I walked up towards Sesshoumaru and waved a clawed hand in front of his darkened eyes. "Sesshoumaru?" still no response.. I sighed and bent down slightly to sling his lighter body over my shoulders like a sack of potatoes, and next thing I was shoved to the ground with Sesshoumaru on top of me trying to strangle me, quite unsuccessfully might I add.  
  
"Give. It. Back." he growled out. I think he snapped...  
  
I frowned at him while trying to swat away his strangling hands, which surprisingly was quite an unusually difficult task. Adrenaline really does do remarkable things to the human body. "Give WHAT back?!"  
  
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(A.N. It would be so cruel to end it here. *grins evilly* ...buuuuuuut I won't I'm just changing back to Sesshoumaru's point of view. ;P)  
  
My smaller hands gripped for the wenches strong neck "Hand it over. NOW" I growled out in tone that was bordering on demonic.  
  
The wench looked even more confused. "What the HELL are you talking about!"  
  
"MY MOTHERS TAIL!" I roared out forcefully. The fact it that what every one thinks is my tail that I wrap around my shoulder, in truth is my mothers true forms tail. Which was all I found intact of her brutally mauled body. So I may be a little possessive of it time to time, but it does not mean I'm a Mamma's boy.  
  
The wench carefully shoved my weaker body away and removed my mother's tail from her shoulder. I rose from the ground and snatched it away from the wenches grasp only to make contact with the stone ground yet again.  
  
So my mother's tail was more of a weight for a human form, this one in particular to carry. The miko let out a snort of barely concealed laughter. I shot a death glare at the wench. "Want me to carry it?" the woman offered chuckling softly.  
  
"You may carry my mothers tail, BUT if anything happens to it you will pay with your life." I hissed at the miko as she replaced the tail over her shoulder.  
  
She shook her head slightly before walking towards the forest "Come on, lets go" the miko said in a partly demanding tone. I glared dejectedly before following the damned woman. I really hate being human. The walk towards the woman's camp had barely been going for 5 minutes when we came across Inuyasha. Maybe there was an advantage to this human shell.  
  
My pathetic half-brother tensed at the sight of me, well it was more my body holding the miko, but if his faced screwed up anymore you would think he was constipated.  
  
"Sesshoumaru" Inuyasha growled out withdrawing the Tetsuiga from its sheath, lifting the transformed fang and pointing it at the body-stealing wench. My, this was rather amusing.  
  
"Kagome, come behind me. Sesshoumaru you try and stop her and I'll slice both your arms off so you'll have to wait another 6 months for them to regenerate."  
  
Actually, now that you mention it, it took 8 months not 6 EIGHT. I scowled menacingly at the idiot Hanyou. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the wench edge out of the general direction of the Tetsuiga.  
  
"Sesshoumaru. Don't move or I'll slice you into pieces" Inuyasha growled warningly. Bloody hell I wasn't moving, and that's absolutely no reason why you should mutilate my body. Sure I know I was the one who was born with the dashingly good looks, but do you really want Jealousy to consume you?  
  
The body thief takes another side step out of the Tetsuiga's aim, which I just noticed is towards ME. So what could this result in: A pile of blood and entrails all over the forest floor leaving me stuck in the miserable excuse for a body. The Hanyou's depth perception out of alignment, thus slashing the tree behind the miko in question or None of the above? And the result is C  
  
Inuyasha leaps into the air and swings the Tetsuiga. The miko screams a rather unmanly scream, Dashes behind ME in a weak human body, cowering like a idiot. And Inu-Yasha's swing has left a lovely creator several miles long roughly one meter from where I stand.  
  
Then Inuyasha turns the fang on BOTH of us; right when I was sure I was going to be used as a human shield the Miko screeches "Oswari" at the top of her youkai lungs for some random reason that cause Inuyasha and myself to stare blankly at the wench.  
  
I raised an eyebrow in question "Oswari?" And a sicking crunching noise filled the air.  
  
I turned towards where the noise had initiated from and there was Inuyasha face first in the dirt. A minute passed by and Inuyasha pried himself out of a Inuyasha shaped creator. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR, BITCH!!"  
  
I turned to the miko "I think he's talking to you" the wench smacked the back of my head in response. Damn. So he was talking to me.  
  
" Calm down before you burst a blood vein." Inuyasha scowled. "All I said was, Oswari". And down he went for a reunion with the dirt. I think I found a Hobby.  
  
"Oswari" WHAM "WENCH!!"  
  
"Oswari" CRUNCH, Oh spinal damage  
  
"Oswari" WHAM "ARGH!"  
  
I grin morbidly. Maybe being stuck in this body isn't so bad? "Oswari" CRACK MHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I'll never get tired of this.  
  
"Oswari"  
  
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A.N. Hello everybody! (u: Hi Saba-chan) well I've finished chapter...*flicks through chapter index* five! And I'd like to thank everyone for your reviews from chapters 3 and four. I've been kinda slack thanking everyone by naming them but THANKS!!  
  
I wrote Kag's point of view for those of you who asked and Inu has finally shown up, yes I do realise they have been away kinda long. and hopefully this chapter is longer (4 pages) so until chapter 6 R&R  
  
~Saba-Chan 


	6. A deal with the devil woman

A.N. Saba-chan stares, almost mesmerised as her brothers convulse on the ground, a.k.a. Karate-wrestling, which only leads to: A. little brother pinned down thus cries like a baby or B. Older brother leaping around like a loony trying to do Jackie Chan moves, and failing miserably and Saba-chan is glad that she put the Insane asylum on speed-dial.  
  
Chapter 6 of switched is here and I'd like to thank everyone for your reviews. I can't believe I reached 100 reviews!!! I luv ya!! Oh and someone asked if the giant muff thing Sesshoumaru wears is actually his mothers tail. The answer is no I made that up. But if you look carefully at the end trailer in the anime episodes (jap with subtitles) there is a clip of Sesshoumaru walking the wind is blowing it about and it isn't actually attached to Sesshoumaru's lower back at all.  
  
And NO I wasn't watching carefully to perve on Sesshoumaru. I have drawings for that.;P  
  
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I was rounding my 50th Oswari, which was still immensely entertaining, when a clawed hand covered my mouth making my Oswari into a 'mrufarpi'. The damn woman always spoils my fun.  
  
A barely conscious Inuyasha crawled, well did something along the lines of a crawl, out of his lovely creator in the ground. This once again amused me beyond no end; it was like when humans scream when they're melting into a puddle of acidic flesh. I'm starting to this I'm becoming abnormally sadistic..  
  
I glared over my shoulder at the wench who stopped my amusement. I hadn't had this much fun since I tied Inuyasha to a tree, smothered him in honey and set killer bees on him when he was three, Unfortunately my father found us just as I was releasing a second round of bee's. 'Brotherly love' my father called it. I called it 'Unsuccessful murder'  
  
"What?" I hissed out in an undignified manner, I was human how much lower could I go in a day? Well I could have been Inuyasha..  
  
The miko gave me a paralysing glare " I don't 'Oswari' Inuyasha that much, so unless you stop Inuyasha is going to be angry with me." She growled out through clenched teeth flashing her pearly white fangs in the process.  
  
I arched and eyebrow at the wenches statement. "And I should care because?"  
  
"Damn you're a prick" the miko muttered under her breath, she will pay for that insult. As soon I find out what 'prick' means I'll work out her punishment.  
  
The wench took a deep breath before continuing, "Name the one thing you hate more than anything "  
  
The one thing I hate more than anything? "Inuyasha finding any form of weakness in me but that's highly doubtful because I am Flawless." I stated in a dull cold voice.  
  
The wench stared at me "Was flawless, Sesshoumaru, WAS" she said in a superior voice. That's when it hit me. I was in a human body. I was SO screwed.  
  
"I'm really starting to despise you wench" I hissed at her in a moderately spiteful tone. "The feelings mutual" the miko growled back at me. So the only choices were to reveal the truth, which would leave me open to attack by my half brother and other youkai who might find out, or play the wench. By the look of the miko it was most likely going to be the latter. The world is against me.  
  
"Sesshoumaru." Yep here it comes, If she wants me to play her she is going to have to beg for it. ".It would be the best option for me to pretend to be you and vice versa. Plus this was we could work out how to swap back with out your reputation at stake." I glare steely at the miko "Or would you rather live with the knowledge that Inuyasha knows of your condition?" .Damn you devil woman "Alright, but if you are going to portray myself you will need much instruction on how to pass as myself."  
  
The wench narrowed her eyes. "So if that's how its going to be, lets make a deal I'll take these "Sesshoumaru" lessons and you will do me a small favour in return." I eyed the wench suspiciously.  
  
"What kind of favour". The wench smiled somewhat evilly "I'll tell you when we get there, deal?" the wench asking in a slightly sly voice as she held out a clawed hand. " I eyed it warily. Slowly I shook the clawed hand confirming our deal. I'm getting a feeling I was going to regret this sooner or later.  
  
"What the fuck is your problem wench?!" Inuyasha's voice growled out. Ah so he's finally regained some consciousness. I looked toward my pitiful looking half brother, who remarkably resembled a squashed bug. Giving a glance towards the miko who had a look of disgust on her face I took it as a sign to say my now favourite word. "Oswari"  
  
And the melodious sound of cracking bone filled the forest air. I don't know why but I get the weirdest warm feeling when I hear Inuyasha in pain.  
  
With a slight tug on the back of the short kimono I was forced into wearing I was plucked from the ground and carted off to a unknown destination by the miko "Come wench" she said in a monotone. Well she a fast learner.  
  
"You know. You should start to call me Sesshoumaru or something so people don't get suspicious" the wench whispered in a barely audible tone. "Hn" I grunted in return. It really is quite uncomfortable to be carried by the collar.  
  
My carried trip to the destination only known by the wench was cut short when an unconscious monk with a giant boomerang embedded into his skull landed in our path. I slightly raised an eyebrow to the wench as we both looked up form the unconscious monk.  
  
" Well, that's Miroku, he's a, uh.friend of mine well actually more along the lines of yours now." I looked back down at the monk "Interesting choice in companions you have." the wench glared at me "Well at least I don't hang out with a frog." She retorted back. Yet again she had a point.  
  
Stepping over the monk she continued on her way. " Don't worry about Miroku, he'll be perfectly fine in a few minutes" I rolled my eyes "Who said I was worried?" the wench glared at me menacingly and I connected with the ground for the second time that day.  
  
"Get up". The miko said in a flat tone. I glared at the wench as I rose gracefully to my feet. "Now were about to meet up with my best friend Sango and Shippou who is a kitsune cub, I want you to act 'Cheerful' and not like.YOU." She said venomously. I frowned darkly at the woman "Give me one good reason why I should."  
  
Five minutes later my shins still hurt.  
  
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A.N. Hilo this chapter is finished and next chapter will be Kag's point of view. I have a few ideas that would be great thought her POV. And hopefully it will be longer and I've tried formatting it how ppl have been asking but yeah.. I would have typed more but have to write a 2000 word essay due tomorrow, so excuse me while I inject sugar into my veins.  
  
If you have any ideas for the story feel free to e-mail me or just say so in your review and like I said before if I use your idea or branch an idea of it the chapter will be dedicated to you.  
  
R&R! ~Saba-chan 


	7. The trouble with peeing in the woods

A.N. I'm going away for the weekend. (Gasps can be heard) Yes that's right Saba-chan actually has a LIFE; I'm still getting over the shock. Why am I going away? So I can get drunk in a park, it's been my life long ambition. I wanted to get drunk in a park for leavers but, unfortunately my friends didn't so instead we got drunk in a shack in the middle of the countryside...who am I kidding we couldn't even get tipsy.. But this weekend is 'getting drunk with random people I don't know!!' weekend.  
  
To go to this weekend booze bash I would have had to wake up at 5 am or something so my ride can pick me up, who may I mention was a random person I don't know. All I know is that his name is Lyle. Yep that is correct his name is LYLE. Which was set up by my friend Dave, Lyle and Dave are housemates. But on the brighter side, My friend Gilligan organised a new ride for me, so I will be going up with her, my friend Fallimar and two random ppl I sort of know, but I know them better than Lyle so yeah. Have I mentioned it will be a 5-hour car ride?  
  
So before I go I'm uploading this chapter, half of which I wrote while typing a essay on retirement, I get inspired at the weirdest of times.. Thanks for all your reviews you guys are keeping me writing.  
  
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As I entered the clearing of our campsite I could see Sango with her back to Sesshoumaru and myself. My sensitive youkai hearing could pick up her very vulgar curses I never knew she had knowledge of. All of which were directed to the unconscious Miroku.  
  
Being stuck in a male's body I felt a strong sudden sympathy towards Miroku if Sango ever performed any of them  
  
Sesshoumaru stepped up next to me and cast a bored eye over the camp. He turned to me his trademark stone mask in place. I narrowed my eyes at him before smacking him over the back of his head. "Smile damn it" I muttered loud enough for Sesshoumaru to hear.  
  
Sesshoumaru glared one last time at me before muttering an aggravated 'Fine' and forming his now human face into a very strained smile. Someone would think that he's never smiled in his life.  
  
"KAGOME!!" Was the only warning Sesshoumaru received before a flying ball of bright orange tackled him to the forest floor. Sesshoumaru looked slightly mortified as he pried at the kitsune cub attached to his neck. I've never really noticed how much of an amusing scene it actually made.  
  
Sesshoumaru tried to pry Shippou's tight grip from around his neck as the cub gurgled out how Inuyasha had been beating him up while I was gone. Sesshoumaru gave me an almost desperate look as Shippou continued to keep his strong grip around Sesshoumaru's neck. I gave a triumphant smirk before easily removing Shippou from around his neck.  
  
Shippou looked up at me with his still tear filled green eyes blankly for a second before they widened with realisation and fear. Before I realised it he had sunk his sharp fangs into my hand, causing pain "AH" was all I let out before Shippou released from his bite and bounced off to Kirara but not before blowing a raspberry at me. I was a little less fond of Shippou.  
  
"Kirara!" Sango's voice shouted before the full sized fire-cat charged toward me as I carelessly dodged out of the way. I flipped over Sesshoumaru's body and lifted him up by the collar holding him out like a human shield. "Kagome-chan!" Sango gasped in slight horror.  
  
"Call your youkai back and I'll let the wench go after I've explained why I'm here". I said coldly in my best impersonation of Sesshoumaru. Sango called Kirara back and she returned to her smaller size.  
  
"Now Sesshoumaru, why are you here?" Sango asked bitterly. I was really tempted to say like in every alien movie ever made 'I come in peeeace' with the voice to match, but they'd probably try and hurt me.  
  
"I've come to offer my services to collect the Shikon shards and to defeat Naruku." Sesshoumaru let out a soft snort at my explanation. Sango's Icy glare narrowed "How can I be sure you not just here to kill us?"  
  
She had a good point, how could I say I was here in under peaceful terms? I swear.on my mother's grave?" Sango let out a gasp and Sesshoumaru snapped his head around and glared at me. Even Shippou's eyes were wide displaying supreme shock.  
  
Sango dropped her guard visibly but still stared at me in unbelieving shock. I set Sesshoumaru on the ground. He gave me his most lethal glare. Kirara also seemed to know what was happening and stared at me as well. What they hell did what I say mean?  
  
The tense air was abruptly cut short as Inuyasha bounded into the clearing in utter and complete rage. "What the hell is wrong with you wench?!" he growled scathingly.  
  
"Oswari" and Inuyasha hit the ground once again. Everyone turned towards 'Kagome' in surprise. Sesshoumaru just shrugged slightly.  
  
"Urggg." Inuyasha's voice broke the silence and everyone's attention turned to him. It was stating to become like a tennis game. Inuyasha pried himself out of the ground, his annoyed glare landed on me, causing his eyes to widen in shock then narrow in hate. "Sesshoumaru, what the hell are you doing here?" he spat out. I was about to respond when Shippou beat me to it. "He's going to help us fight Naruku and find the more shards!"  
  
Inuyasha swivelled his gaze towards Shippou then back to me. "He's lying, can't be trusted." He grunted. "Inuyasha he swore on his..mother's grave.." Sango whispered somewhat in my defence. Inuyasha snapped his head towards his eyes wide "WHAT?!" he yelled in obvious surprise.  
  
"Its true." Came a deep voice from behind me. Everyone turned towards the voice where Miroku stood dragging Sango's boomerang behind him and sporting a severely large bump on his head.  
  
Inuyasha let out his usual "Keh" and jumped up into a tall tree. Everyone stood immobilised for a few minutes before preparing for sleep.  
  
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I rolled over trying to ignore the pressure on my bladder. There was no way I was getting up to go pee in the woods a Sesshoumaru. This need to pee was the reason I was unbearably awake, plus the lawnmower like snores Inuyasha emitted every five seconds. Yes I did count it.  
  
I rolled over again in vain hopes of relieving the need to pee. My golden gaze landed on 'me'. Sesshoumaru was curled up in a foetal like position. And drool collecting at the corner of his mouth. So much for his, 'no need for sleep'. I sighed and rolled onto my back, my long silver hair spooling out around me. "I'm never going to go to sleep". I muttered under my breath.  
  
"Nya hahahahhmm" the slurred laugh came from where Sesshoumaru was sleeping. I frowned slightly, I had definitely imagined it.. surely. "Nhuma mamhehmehaha" the slurred laugh broke into the air again. I sat up and cast a side-glance to where Sesshoumaru lay. "Oh. My. God." I muttered to the still air before looking directly at Sesshoumaru.  
  
Sesshoumaru had, somehow, wrapped my sleeping bag around his arm like a noose and was pulling on it and letting out slurred laughs each timed he pulled on it. But in-between the pulling of his sleeping bag noose he'd wave his arm n the air holding a twig and muttering, I could barely hear it, "It's mine! I have the Tetsusaiga, It's mine!". It's a fact Sesshoumaru has the weirdest dreams.  
  
I crawled over to where Sesshoumaru laid and poked him in the side only to receive a twig in the eye. "Son of a..oww." I hissed at the still asleep Sesshoumaru. Glaring dangerously at the sleeping form I sat down cross- legged beside him. Sesshoumaru rolled over onto his stomach and in a very creepy girly voice gurgled out "Mummy, I want to be a kitty when I grow up" And that was the last straw. I was well and truly creeped out.  
  
I slapped Sesshoumaru around the head more than once until he awoke from his, 'Blissful' sleep. "Urg.. what the hells your problem wench." Sesshoumaru groaned out his voice slurred as though he was drunk.  
  
"You're my problem, I'm not the one having weird dreams about wanting be a 'kitty' when they grow up." I growled at him only to receive a confused look back. "What the hell are you talking about? Youkai don't dream at random." He hissed at me.  
  
I groaned inwardly "Encase you have forgotten you are no longer a youkai your in my body thus HUMAN." I whispered fiercely at the humanised ex- youkai.  
  
Sesshoumaru rolled over onto his side so his back was facing me and muttered something incoherent. I glared icily at his uniform clad back before returning to my makeshift bed on the ground. Before I could even lie down I felt the magnified urge for the revilement of my bladder. I don't think I can hold it till morning.  
  
Grudgingly I made my way in to the forest until I was some distance away from the campsite. I sighed before starting to undo Sesshoumaru's kimono pants that I was wearing. It was proven much more difficult to unto the pants than it had been to put them on. A sharp cracking noise filled my ears and I froze mid untying of my pants as I waited in the quiet.  
  
"Sesshoumaru" a husky voice whispered behind me causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end. I did not want to know who was behind me.  
  
"Come now Sesshoumaru, I know you want the same thing I do. Lets play" The husky voice purred out. I'm sure Sesshoumaru does but I don't. I shivered again as I slowly turned around to WHAT was trying to.. well seduce me. A powerful sent filled my much more sensitive nose giving me the urge to launch myself at the closest living thing and screw it senseless. Why didn't I? I'll have to remember to thank Sesshoumaru later for his exceptionally strong willpower.  
  
A laugh that could almost be described as sexy filled my ears sending shivers down my spine in a slightly pleasurable way but also drew my focus to the origin of the sexy laugh. The sight, made me want to run screaming for my mummy.  
  
It was a female, which registered first in my mind for a long time while I fought all urges in my brain linked directly to my now male hormones. Next thing I noticed was that she was a wolf youkai. She was practically nude wearing what looked to be a bondage outfit and was licking her lips in a way she must have thought was sensual, but just gave me the impression she wanted to eat me. "I know you want me" she purred again tossing her long black hair over her shoulder. I stared at her with a slightly mortified expression. " What make's you think I want you?"  
  
She laughed again causing me to now cringe slightly. She walked, what she thought was seductively over to me; it looked more like a drunken hippo trying to swim.  
  
She plastered herself to my side and looked up at me with lust filled eyes. "Oh Sesshie, Sesshie, Sesshie" she sang to me while dragging her clawed finger over my armoured chest in a circular pattern. "You know you can't resist me." She cooed, licking her lips a second time.  
  
I could feel my palms get sweaty as I tried desperately to think of a remark 'worthy' enough to fall from Sesshoumaru's lips. It didn't help with the sent coming of the wolf youkai that was making my thoughts turn fuzzy. I finally blurted out the only clear thought in my clouded youkai head.  
  
"I have to pee."  
  
There is no bigger turn-off then expressing the need for bodily excretion. Luckily for me the wolf youkai happened to think so too. Her clawed finger stopped drawing circles on my chest, as she looked up at me awkwardly "What?" she whispered in a barely audible tone.  
  
" I. Have. To .Pee." I said in a deadly tone. The wolf youkai detached herself from my side in a slightly ridged manner. Note to self: If unwilling when sexually propositioned, resort to expressing the need for excretion.  
  
The female combed a clawed hand through her long hair, in some attempt to still look the seductress. "We can play tomorrow night, so until then." The youkai reached up to the sides of my face and before I realised it, she had her tongue shoved halfway down my throat. Before I could shove her away, the wolf broke off our kiss and licked her lips lustily. "Yummy." she purred.  
  
At this moment I felt really proud of myself, I kept up a cold unemotional face while I felt like running to the nearest tree and emptying the contents of my stomach behind it. I inwardly shuddered. My first kiss, and it was from a GIRL.  
  
Rubbing her hand down my chest, causing a shiver to ripple down my spine. Stopping her hand just above my belt line. Thank god. The she-wolf clasped a hand around the back of my neck pulling my head down to her hight. Catching me off guard for the second time in barely three minutes. She nipped my earlobe after running her tongue over my ear. "Don't keep Keiyia waiting, Sesshoumaru." She whispered, her voice thick with lust. Biting my earlobe one last time she stepped away from me and walked off into the woods, her hips swaying in a hypnotic fashion.  
  
I've decided. This is the last time I go to pee in the woods.  
  
After 5 minutes of standing immobilised to the ground, one thought shone through like a bright red disco light. I needed toothpaste and NOW. I raced off towards the campsite at breakneck speed. Skidding to a halt in front of my worn yellow backpack. I rummaged blindly through the pack until I found my toothbrush and paste.  
  
Flipping the cap lid off I squeezed half its contents directly into my mouth. Scrubbing my mouth vigorously, oh what I would give for a vile of acid. I spat out the frothed up toothpaste, and squeezed more into my mouth and resumed scrubbing my teeth until my gums bled.  
  
"What are you doing wench?" A cold voice asked in the dark of the night. I looked up towards the voice, my toothbrush clenched between my teeth. Sesshoumaru looked at me from where he leant against a tall tree, wrapped up in my warm sleeping bag. I glared icily at him. "Removing all foreign saliva from my mouth because normally I don't have female youkai in heat trying to seduce me while I try to relieve myself." I stated coldly "Oh yeah, Keiyia says 'Hi'".  
  
I lay down and rolled over on my side so my back was facing Sesshoumaru. "Night" I muttered.  
  
I was going to have wait until morning to pee. It was going to be a long night.  
  
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A.N. I've decided, Kouga has the sexiest legs I've ever seen. Yep I do realise that was completely random but it had to be said.  
  
TA-DA!!! The longest chapter I've ever written.. SIX pages. Well I did say I had some ideas for kag point of view. Well I'm going to post this before I go away for the weekend to drink with random ppl I don't really know. Hope you liked this chapter! R&R! Oh and 'Random' is my new favourite word for some reason..not that you need to know that tho... 


	8. SWEET MOTHER OF MARY SUE!

Inspiration. its rather hard to come by, especially after a weekend away trying to get drunk which might I add was hard to do I drank heaps but I couldn't get plastered, lousy genes..I'm exactly like my bro he can slam back spirits like no tomorrow and not get drunk but put him on beer (XP Yuk, I hate beer) and he's passed out in a matter of minutes.  
  
I don't know why I'm mentioning this but since I started writing this fic I've got into the habit of calling my mother and sister 'woman' with out me realising it, but now its just really natural almost instinct. I noticed on the weekend I went away that I was calling some of my friends 'woman' before I could stop it but I don't think they noticed.I hope ^.^'' I say it's the influence of writing in Sesshoumaru's point of view but the weird thing is that I think I KNOW why Sesshou and Inu call Kagome 'Woman' or 'Wench'. You get this sudden boost of superiority and it's a really great feeling. I recommend it; really you should try it out some time.  
  
Disclaimer: Urg almost forgot this, I just remembered as I was getting ready to upload it, well anyhoo I don't own it, never will now leave me to dream about a half naked Sesshoumaru.  
  
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The wench turned her back on ME, ME. Sesshoumaru. When I asked a simple question she brushed me off and is now giving me the cold shoulder. The woman who's now forced me into helping out her comrades by the highest form of youkai allegiance that if I break I must kill myself. And not only that I've been told I NOW have some panting bitch in heat after my body. Most definitely a weak youkai looking gain a position of power. Oh my body is a curse.  
  
I pulled the giant sack that the wench called a 'sleeping bag' up around my smaller shoulders. (Only humans would sleep in a bag) which I wouldn't admit out loud was rather comfortable and was doing a marvellous job of keeping my pathetic human shell warm.  
  
I sent death glares at the wenches back, which suddenly was moved into a ridged upright position. "Oh crap, damn, damn damn DAMN!! How could I have forgotten?! this is just so effing great." The wench growled out into the night air.  
  
I stared at the woman in slight interest as she clutched her youkai head in what looked like some form of pain and thrashed about as though she was being subdued into insanity by a mischievous demon.  
  
"How the hell can I work out of this mess..?" The wenches question trailed off into a whisper. The miko suddenly froze from her thrashing and issued a devil like chuckle which only increased my assumption that she had been corrupted with some sort of madness, just my luck too.  
  
"Oh Sesshoumaruuuuuuuu" the wench cooed out in my previous masculine voice. An involuntary shudder wracked through my body, I doubt that anyone could not squirm in discomfort under the wench's predatory gaze she focused on me. Well at least I now know what I look like when I'm about to kill.  
  
"You know that favour you promised me in return for those up coming 'Sesshoumaru' lessons?" The wench purred out in a deadly voice that caused a shiver to run down my spine. I just KNEW I was going to regret agreeing to the wench's conditions.  
  
"I've just decided on WHAT I want you to do for me" The wench's mouth curled into a disturbing smile. Crap.  
  
The wench swooped down on me with youkai speed, holding my very breakable human head in a very uncomfortable headlock and clamped a clawed hand over my mouth before I could release my string of curses.  
  
"Now Sesshoumaru" the wenches deep masculine voice whispered next to my ear in an eerily calm voice. "We do have a deal, and I want to call in that favour of mine." I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. Damn the wench was really getting the whole 'I'm an evil bastard of a youkai that can rip your bowels out and wrap them around your neck and tie them into a bow before you could breathe' reputation that is Sesshoumaru. If I wasn't in a headlock and the one who it was all directed at I would be impressed, not that I'd ever mention it tho.  
  
"I want you, to come with me..now" the wench dragged me off towards the darkened forest. I looked up at the wench who had an evil smirk plastered over her Inu youkai face. That's when it dawned on me.  
  
SHE wanted to SCREW me. There was no way in HELL I was going to let her. Sure she had the strong body, the vice like grip, the sharp claws that could produce flesh melting poison, the sound barrier breaking speed and the devilishly good looks to boot. But she now had the ONE weakness every single male, Youkai or human had. Furrowing my brow in determination I turned my body slightly, drew back my barely clad leg as far as I could and,  
  
"SWEET MOTHER OF MARY- SUE!!" The miko hissed out rather loudly and her grip on me was released. The wench dropped onto her white silk clad knees and she covered her VERY male crotch with her clawed hands.  
  
I stood my ground and looked down at the kneeling wench as I basked in the afterglow of power. A smirk spread across my face in satisfaction. "What the hell was that for?!" the miko groaned out in a extremely pained voice.  
  
I snorted. "As if I'd let you take out your sexual urges on me wench. I may be trapped in you pathetic human body but I still have standards." The miko's eyes widened in shock the quickly narrowed in anger. Like I couldn't see through the wench's obvious intentions. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!! That's disgusting!! It's practically incest!" The wench hissed loudly.  
  
.Maybe I could be wrong "Then where are you dragging me to?" The wench rose to her feet wincing slightly as she stood shakily. "To my HOUSE YOU BAKA!!" the wench's angry tone increased in volume. "Then WHY didn't you say so to begin with?" My voice was deadly calm. The wench narrowed her turned gold eyes and crossed her arms over my ex-broad chest. The wench threw me a dark look, "Because you are the most stubborn, self absorbed, disagreeable bastard of a youkai on the planet." I smirked "Thankyou."  
  
The wench's eyes flaring with anger was the last thing I saw before I slipped into black.  
  
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There was something in my mouth, that's what my brain resisted when I came to my senses. Furrowing my brow at the sharp pain on the back of my skull as it made itself noticed.  
  
The long stringy object was still in my mouth plastering itself to the roof of my mouth and gums. Growling in frustration I tried to dislodge the object that felt strangely like hair, Spitting out the hair repeatedly until all traces were gone I opened my eyes, and my vision met white.  
  
Snow. Was what came to my pain filled mind until my highly depleted senses pointed out that snow isn't made out of strands of hair plus it was actually kind of .warm. "Why Good morning Sesshoumaru, I thought you'd be unconscious until the afternoon." The masculine voice of the miko came to my ears. "Wench" I replied in annoyance. "What the hell are you so happy about?" The wenches turned white hair flipped about in front of me. "You mean besides the fact that it a beautiful day?"  
  
I glared at the back of the wenches head "Don't give me that crap, woman" The wench chuckled evilly "You're a smart one today Sesshoumaru, But I see you haven't noticed yet." I glare turned darker, what the hell was she talking about? "Besides the fact you've most likely produced a concussion on YOUR body?"  
  
The wench chuckled again "No Sesshoumaru" in a very degrading singsong voice. I could feel my eye twitch in annoyance. That's it I'm going to strangle the bitch, I don't care if she has the youkai body she is the most bloody annoying wench I have met in my entire life. Decided on the form of bodily harm I was going to pursue (Strangulation, Rip her air pipe out and then followed by the gouging of her eyes) I discovered my arms were bound "What the hell?" The wench's deep chuckle sounded the air again. "I see you've just discovered you've been bound from the shoulders down."  
  
I growled at the wench who just chuckled. I did the only thing I could do in my immobility. I bit her. Five seconds later we were on the ground and I was thrown off the wenches broad back. The wench rubbed her shoulder as she glared venomously at me. "Quite a set of teeth this human body has." A slight smug smile curled onto my human face from buy position on the ground. The wench scowled murderously.  
  
Reaching towards me she shoved my immobile form up against something behind me (probably a tree) none too gently. Still with her scowl set on my ex- body's face she slid a hand over the part of her shoulder that I bit. Removing her hand she inspected them for any signs of blood. "I doubt I broke the skin wench, if I did this human mouth would have been a few teeth short."  
  
The wench walked slowly towards me in the process her nose crinkled in slight disgust "What the hell is that vile smell? It's worse then Souta's backpack at the end of term". Subtly I sniffed the air in curiosity. Not smelling anything thanks to these accursed human senses I merely raised and eyebrow.  
  
The wench covered her perfect nose in an attempt to drown out the obvious over powering smell she complained of. "It kinda smells like, Decaying wood or something." The miko merely shrugged before lifting me up onto what I hat been leaning against, it was a well and a dry one by the looks of it. Surely the woman wasn't that daft. "Well, jump in. Go on, hurry up."  
  
I looked from the well and to the miko with a blank look across my features " Jump in? What are doing trying to kill me?"  
  
The miko groaned in obvious frustration. "This is where I live." I stared at the miko with a deadpan look. "You live in a well? What are you? A hermit?" I raised my eyebrows in slight understanding "Well that would explain your whore-ish attire."  
  
There was a loud growl behind me, and was the only warning I received before a large hand roughly shoved me face first into the well. Normally this would have been not so bad as a situation even in a human body, but me being Sesshoumaru and being the common victim to bad luck I was bound from shoulder to toe thanks to the wench on an ego boost.  
  
As I fell further into the well a purplish light that every few seconds shot out beams of swirling lights surrounded me. If I wasn't about to eat dirt I would have been slightly entertained. But I noticed my falling form gradually slowed to where I was almost floating immobile in the air.  
  
That abruptly came to a spectacular end when a heavy body collided into mine and thus speeding up the fall of beams swirling lights. Where upon I greeted a friend I was getting to know extremely well recently. Dirt.  
  
Emitting one low groan before I let my head shut off to blackness.  
  
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I opened my eyes, My back hurt, my chest hurt (Both rib cage and female assets) my chin was sore, I couldn't feel my left arm and there was the biggest hunk of the slimmest and most bug infested dirt in my mouth. I almost regurgitated the contents of my stomach.  
  
What ever was on top of me was as heavy as hell and doing a victory dance on my spinal collum.  
  
I rotated my human head and emptied my mouth of as much dirt as possible, I just knew I'll be tasting slaters for the next week, and tried to wriggle free of my bonds. Which ended up extremely unsuccessful. Just then the heavy object atop of me groaned throatily and rolled of my extremely fragile and already bruised from, and in the process crushed whatever hopes I had of being able to work again. But on the bright side, this wasn't my body.  
  
Rolling onto my back I prepared to glare the brains out of the 'thing' that had been on top of me, only to meet the back of a head covered in tresses of silvery white hair. The wench wasn't even paying attention to me and of all things was looking at the light source at the opening of the well, which was unusually absent of the blue sky that had previously been there.  
  
The wench turned back to me her decidedly morbid, crazy grin of utter glee plastered on her pale masculine youkai face. "I'm a genius". You're a psychotic human corrupted into insanity. The wenches almost homicidal grin spread wider than inhumanly possibly. My ex-face muscles were getting the work out of a lifetime in barely one day. The wench leaned her face closer to mine, her grin not faltering for a second "I am a absolute genius.! I knew it! That's probably the only reason it worked for Inuyasha! I am the worlds greatest mind!" with that the wench jumped to her feet before I could blink and in my body did the most degrading dance I had ever seen.  
  
The wench swung her arms above her head whilst rotating her hips to a tune she could only hear. Bringing her elbows down in a vertical fashion clenching her fists she repeated it twice on each side as she shook her rear in a very suggestive fashion. My jaw dropped as she turned to her side and thrusted, THRUSTED her hips arm motions and all before turning in the opposite direction and repeated the thrusting process. No matter how hard I tried to tear my gaze away I couldn't it was as through I was hypnotised by the display. The woman turned again facing my form on the ground no doubt oblivious that I was there, rested one hand on her hip and raised the other into the air high above her head and swung it around in a circle pattern as she rocked her hip to one side repeatedly in time with her swinging hand be fore releasing a loud high pitched "WHOOP-WHOOP".  
  
To say I was stunned by the performance I just fell victim to would be an understatement. I was shocked as I would have been if I were told Rin was pregnant with Jaken's child. She could have transformed into my true form right then and I wouldn't have been in more shock then I was by that dance. If anyone beside myself every fell witness to that dance my reputation as 'Sesshoumaru lord of the western lands' would be forever demolished.  
  
Bloody hell, I've entrusted the outcome of my reputation to this delusional, insane miko.  
  
I was screwed.  
  
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A.N. And Chapter 8 is fully complete at 6 pages to be exact, I hope everyone found this chapter enjoyable, especially Kagome's victory dance I had the hardest time trying to describe it and actually type it cause I kept cracking up when was typing it, I just kept imagining Sesshoumaru's body doing all these moves with a slightly suave 'I'm the best dance on the planet' expression on his face dancing to the tune of that 'I'm too sexy for my shirt' song. Heh heh heh heh heh  
  
*A five minute pause of nothing but barely muffled hysterical laughter can be heard along with the sounds of hyperventilating followed by a coughing fit.*  
  
Anyway I've been thinking lately *collective gasps of readers can be heard. Saba-chan glares at readers before continuing* I'm going to ignore that, but I've reading over my uploaded chapters I've seen a heap of errors and it bugs be to no end and me being me, can't be stuffed to remove the chapter and upload it again after fixing the errors. I have decided I might need a beta. You do know what I mean right? A proofreader. So if anyone wants to be my beta (I might need 2) Just say so in your review and try and convince me WHY you want to beta my insanity.  
  
Oh yeah I have a new story called 'Prince of wolves" it's a Kouga /Kag story its been swimming annoyingly around my head for a while now. So check it out. R&R!!! Saba-Chan 


	9. Evil music

And I'm back with chapter nine. This was supposed to be loaded a few days ago =_='' but it wasn't because I was waiting on all replies from my beta's but I've only had my reply from Rem. So.. THANKYOOOOOOOU REM!!!! So how was my grammar and spelling? Shocking? Unbearably bad? Terrible enough to have you chase after me with a chainsaw?  
  
Well this chapter has undoubtedly taken me the longest time to write because. A. I was just slack B. when I was actually writing it I'd pause for 5-10 minutes trying to remember a certain word and found I couldn't so I'd shut down the computer and that's when I'd remember it so I'd have to restart the computer only to forget the word once I had 'Word' up. And C. 'Cause I have been shackled to my easel, and forced to paint these portrait pictures of some Taiwanese pop band for my sister.  
  
Hopefully I'm getting paid for it.  
  
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I was the world's most brilliant mind at this very moment, move over Einstein, watch out Newton and eat your heart out Edison. I was ruler of all things intelligent! My hypothesis, that's right HYPTHESIS was proven correct. My theory? Well having to deal with the small fact that I was now caged in a finely toned body that was Sesshoumaru's, I no longer had my miko powers so I didn't have the ability to go home. But around that time my brain pointed out the unfairness of it all it also made a rather good point come to mind.  
  
How come Inuyasha could go through the well?  
  
After some conclusive mental testing I found the facts that A) Inuyasha couldn't go through while he was in human form. B) He had no need for Shikon shards to aid him through and lastly C) he was part Inu youkai.  
  
So a very small conclusion clicked. Was it his Inu youkai blood that enabled him to travel? Well after a quick briefing of any other possibilities at all to why Inuyasha could travel through the well I decided, Inuyasha really didn't have anything else to put into the equation.  
  
So bravely I strove forth and pushed Sesshoumaru into the well and jumped in straight after him. So that's where I stand now, at the bottom of the well successfully transported 500 years into the future and dancing a victory dance that would put Michael Jackson to shame, and by the looks of things scaring Sesshoumaru.  
  
I stood still in my final dance position. I had just finished my "Whoop- Whoop" and Sesshoumaru continued to stare mutely at me. The man, who had no sense of fear before, just found out how creepily annoying that sensation could be. Or he was just in shock and doing a marvelous impersonation of a fish.  
  
I dropped my pose and coughed quietly into my curled fist. "So, where here Sesshoumaru." Sesshoumaru's feminine mouth continued to hang open. Struck with the urge to close his mouth for him, I did just that.  
  
The sudden uncontrolled closing shut of his mouth. Snapping Sesshoumaru out of the stupor he was in with the slight possibility that I had made him bite his tongue. Sesshoumaru narrowed his blue-gray eyes in slight disgust and horror. "If you EVER do that dance again while you're in MY body I won't hesitate to kill you in your sleep."  
  
With the confirmation of Sesshoumaru being in his right state of his homicidal mind I slung him over my shoulder. In doing so I unfortunately overbalanced and fell backwards toward the well wall, and in the process slamming Sesshoumaru face first into it. I bit my lip as Sesshoumaru erupted into a stream of curses that far surpassed all the insults Inuyasha knew. I winced at the thought of what condition Sesshoumaru's face would be in. He was right though. By the time we finally change back my body would be close to imploding condition.  
  
But on the brighter side Sesshoumaru was still bound and unable to inflict pain onto me in his current positing slung over my shoulder. And it WAS kinda funny seeing him in pain.. Bending my knees I leapt out from the bottom of the well, in doing so I almost crashed clear through the well house roof. Setting myself upon the top stair down to the well I left the well house.  
  
I could feel Sesshoumaru squirming madly over my shoulder as if he had to go to the bathroom urgently. I ignored the wriggling body of Sesshoumaru, as I continued towards my home. I inhaled deeply in relief as I reached the front door. The smell was almost toxic as I stumbled backwards a few paces. My head became decidedly dizzy as I tried to block out the unbearable odour. I released by grip on Sesshoumaru as I tried to balance myself. I could feel Sesshoumaru slip forward and land on the ground with an annoyed 'AK'.  
  
I finally connected my back with the side of the house and slid downwards to the ground. My blurry gaze connected with Sesshoumaru before I slipped forward and met a good friend called Unconsciousness.  
  
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"Neesama! Can I keep her? pleeeeeeeease????? I promise I'll take good care of her!! You see how good I take care of Buyo!" The slightly whiney voice of Souta rang through my semi-conscious. "No, and 'she's' a HE" the very annoyed tone that was my voice rang through.  
  
Souta's voice lost it's whining and held a large amount of surprise to it "REALLY? But he's so girly looking! Is he a cross-dresser? Neesama?" The sounds of scrambling across the wooden floor made their way into the air.  
  
"Neesama? What are you doing? NEESAMA?!!" Souta's voice turned very noticeably scared. "Itai!! Itaaaaaaaaai, Neesamaaaaaa! Stop it Neesama!!" I sat up rigidly in slight panic to see what Sesshoumaru was doing to my little brother. I sweat dropped. Right there in front of me Sesshoumaru was pinching Souta's cheeks the same way your dreaded auntie or grandma would, with a look of death plastered over my ex-features.  
  
I cleared my throat, loudly. Sesshoumaru's gaze abruptly snapped to me as he released his vice like hold on Souta's cheeks. He coughed awkwardly and Souta ran towards his room rubbing his now red cheeks.  
  
"So I see your conscious again." Sesshoumaru's calm voice filtered into the air. I furrowed my brow in slight confusion. "What the hell were you doing?" A very morbid grin flashed on Sesshoumaru's face before he spoke.  
  
"Little brother attack. Number 13: The Auntie lock. To be used in such situations as ridicule, pestering and going through your belongings. To have the best overall effect, you pinch just below the cheekbone slightly inwards and twist every 7- 10 seconds during attack." He recited it all as one would the two timetables. I stared blankly at the still morbidly grinning Sesshoumaru before me.  
  
"Little brother attack? Why on earth do you have a 'Little brother attack' and up to a number 13." Sesshoumaru looked at me like I was insane. "You would need them too if you had shared most of your childhood with." Sesshoumaru's face curled in distaste "Inuyasha."  
  
I raised my eyebrows in surprise "He was that bad?!". The maniac spark in Sesshoumaru's eyes returned to it cold haze. "Have you not traveled with the damned hanyou long enough to be questioning that fact?" He stated bluntly.  
  
I had to agree he had a point there.  
  
Sesshoumaru picked himself up from his position on the floor of my living room. "Pray tell wench, what is the reason that you needed to drag me off in the middle of the night to your small 'home'" Sesshoumaru leaned against the pristine white wall as he gave me a slightly curious glance. I moved so I could lean up against the couch before I spoke to the ex-youkai.  
  
"Souta." Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow slightly. "What the hell is a 'Souta'?" My lips curled upwards slightly. "You make him sound like a disease. Souta is my little brother, the very same one you just performed your 'LBA' on." Sesshoumaru gave me a look that clearly said 'your point'.  
  
"You see, I or rather you have to look after him for two weeks." Sesshoumaru's left blue eye began to twitch ever so slightly before he spoke. "....What." His voice was deathly cold.  
  
"Well..my grandfather, being the insane 'Houshi' he is, decided he needed to purify the entire temple, so somewhere in between dousing the area in sake and lighting his 'Purifying' incense he set himself on fire." I leveled my gaze with Sesshoumaru as he continued to stare at me with his eye twitching every now and then.  
  
My grandfather was truly a mad man, I think I lost all faith in his possible sanity somewhere between my 9th birthday when he destroyed my birthday cake that was shaped like a dog, proclaiming it to be a youkai and when I was in the 8th grade at the school fair when he stuck an Oufuda on the headmasters forehead and proceeded to try and exorcise the 'evil spirit' that apparently according to grandfather was in him. The end result made me to change schools, mainly voluntarily.  
  
That left eye of Sesshoumaru continued to twitch happily away as I continued. "So because of the severity of his burns and the lack of needed equipment, he had to be transferred to another hospital that was fully equipped. Which just so happens to be on the other side of the country."  
  
Sesshoumaru's eyes began to narrow. "Are you telling me I am stuck HERE with YOU and I have to look after YOUR brother?"  
  
I smiled somewhat evilly "That's just about sums it up. Oh and you have to go to school you have to take my make up tests." I could hear this echoing evil cackle resounding around my mind. I think I really understand why most Youkai are evil. It's just plain fun.  
  
I'm sure if Sesshoumaru could, there would be the biggest hole in the lounge room wall. And the reclining chair would-be smashed to smithereens. Most likely all the other pieces of furniture and appliances would be demolished in some form and I'd probably be dead by some creative way made up by Sesshoumaru's homicidal mind.  
  
This probably won't be the last time I'd say I'm SO happy that I have the Youkai strength.  
  
Sesshoumaru still stood in silent fuming rage he licked his lips before speaking again. "No." I almost face-faulted. "WHAT?" The word may have come out more forcefully than I had intended.  
  
Sesshoumaru stood his ground, folded his arms and let his human face contort in to one of deathly calm. He was looking mighty tall and fierce from my position on the ground.  
  
"I have been shoved down a well, dragged into your house by a hyperactive human child and been told I have to look after him, all for your ONE favor. That is the key word there. ONE. So wench I will not be going to this pathetic human school. I have already had my schooling." Sesshoumaru bit out in a hushed venomous tone.  
  
I could feel my mouth hanging open in slight shock. I mean who would have known? All this time I thought it was all big talk; well he did also have the strength and flesh melting poison claws.  
  
"You can READ?" Sesshoumaru scowled "Of course I can read, I'm not some deranged dimwit like the hanyou." I sighed, I was pretty much screwed if I couldn't get Sesshoumaru to go to school for me. I rose from my position on the floor and made my way over to the CD player.  
  
Picking up a Fluoro pink CD wallet that had the words 'Devil's Music' written across it in black permanent marker. Sliding out the CD my grandfather gave me thinking I like the Blonde pop idol; I placed it into the player. I looked up from what I was doing and turned my gaze to Sesshoumaru who was watching me closely. "I'm sorry but you leave me no choice Sesshoumaru.."  
  
I closed the lid down on the player, pressed play and blocked my ears as the evil music started to blast out of the speakers. It was a low blow but Sesshoumaru's disagreement called for desperate measures.  
  
He was to fall victim to the horrifying music of .  
  
Brittany Spears.  
  
An evil smile curled over my face. I'd have my way before the first chorus of 'Oops I did it again.'  
  
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A.N. Yummy nummy nummy I have pocky in my tummy! STRAWBERY pocky too! =^-^= ahhh I love pocky...  
  
I have a completely random question for everyone... Q. How old do you think I am?  
  
OoooOOooOoooh!!! It actually takes me a while to work out how old I am Id be filling out job applications and I'd take 5 minutes wondering; duuuuuuuuuuh how old am I again?  
  
One time I was in the bank filling out an withdrawal form for the first time and I couldn't remember what my name was, it was kinda embarrassing too cause I was getting shown how to do it by this cute bank guy. In the end he told me my name by reading it off my bankcard. And then he personally took me over to a teller who was another cute guy after he talked to him. I think he told him I was some sorta moron because the teller kept giving me weird looks and talking slowly. Then if that wasn't bad enough I kind of tripped over those velvet rope thingies they use to indicate where your supposed queue. And THEN.yes-there more to humiliate myself on I tripped (again) on my shoelace and landed on the security guard. Who, yep you guessed it was really hot. Then my two friends who I was with grabbed me a dragged me out of the bank, but not before apologizing to the security guard by saying, and I quote  
  
"God We're so sorry we thought she would be alright by herself! She hasn't bit you has she? She's gets a little unstable when she hasn't had her medication."  
  
It's a true story. But it was all good, my friends and me were laughing our heads of for about 10 minutes outside the post office. But still I haven't stepped foot inside that Bank branch, they probably have a picture of me from the security cameras pinned up in the back of the bank as an banned client.  
  
So that's the end of chapter 9 and its only 6 pages ^.^'' it seemed longer when I was typing it..  
  
~Saba-chan 


	10. Mutilate, not kill Mutilate

You step into a barely lit room you can just make out the outline of Saba- chan, if you squint. A strange but familiar sound echoes around the empty room in a slow rhythmic pace. You can't quite put you finger on what the familiar noise is, you remember that sound but what it is, is at the tip of you tongue.  
  
A dark muttering that you can't make out the muttered words as the rhythmic sound continues, it's like a smooth sliding noise. As you creep closer to Saba-chan's shadowy form you can hear the muttering a little clearer. You pick up a few words of what are being muttered. 'Illiterate, Disembowel, Soon' Not quite the normal words you'd expect to be used together, but considering the dark gloominess of the room you are presently in you let it slide.  
  
Slide, that brings your attention back to trying to work out what that damn sound is, Its really starting to bug you, It almost makes you want to strangle something, Stuffed toy, brother, sister, their all pretty much the same thing, although your really reconsidering strangling the Stuffed toy, After all Mr Bubbles has always been your best friend.  
  
The noise is almost.frequency like. Saba-chan still continues to mutter completely oblivious to your presence, which is really quite unusual normally she can sense a presence in a room before they can put all of their big toe inside, You take another step towards Saba-chan only to practically have a heart-attack when she suddenly growls out loudly "I'LL SLICE HIS FREAKING ARMS OFF!!"  
  
Your heartbeat is still going a mile a minute as you hold you hand over you heart as if it will some way slow your racing heart down. The steady sliding noise continues as you ponder Saba-chan sudden bout of insanity, well you've always thought she was a little insane but it was never that.weird. Her muttering kinda reminds you of Gollum in 'The Hobbit'. Anyway who's arms was she talking about slicing..  
  
Wait slicing. sliding.  
  
Your memory clicks with recognition you remember what that noise is now, it's the sound of sharpening knives. You notice that the room has gone silent; you worry slightly.Saba-chan.with knives? Not good. The girl cuts herself on grass for crying out loud. She'll probably fall over and slice her head off or worse, trip and the knife goes flying out of her hand and embeds itself right between your eyes. You decide maybe you should make yourself known.  
  
You walk towards Saba-chan again only to have something cold and hard smack you in your left eye. You rub your eye slightly, it didn't really hurt that much but it stung like bugger all.er Hell, you really needed to stop watching 'The crocodile hunter' Steve Irwin was really rubbing off on you, It was bad enough that you were saying 'Crikey' all the time, if you didn't stop now next thing you know you'd be walking up to family members and saying 'Would ya look at this little beauty' and wrestling inflatable pool crocodiles.  
  
You wave your had in front of your face until your hand clamps around a thin cord hanging from the ceiling, shrugging you give it a yank and in a burst of light the room is lit. The burst of light causes Saba-chan to jump slightly and cut herself on her finger and drop her knife. "SWEET CRIKEY MOSES" You note that your not the only one who's using Steve Irwin's lingo, you silently cheer.  
  
Saba-chan glares at the knife on the ground accusingly before kicking it making it clang against the tiled ground. "I take the time and care to sharpen you to slicey perfection and what do you do? Cut my finger, some thanks that is!" Saba-chan grumpily directs towards the knife before pouting childishly. You stare at Saba-chan with a 'Is she serious' look. You really hope she knew that it wasn't going to say anything back.  
  
Saba-chan was still somehow pouting as she sucked on her cut finger; and every now and then she threw a glare at the knife still on the floor. You sweat drop and hold your head in your hands. Sighing you look at Saba-chan through your fingers before clearing your throat loudly. Saba-chan snaps her gaze to you mid glare at the knife.  
  
Saba-chan stares at you for quite some time a slight frown on her face. Recognition dawn on Saba-chan face and her jaw drops causing her cut finger to fall out of her mouth and hang limply at her side, she seems to be in quite some shock. You frown and walk right up to Saba-chan. She gives no response to the shortened distance between the both of you. So you wave your hand in front of her face. Saba-chan blinks, and then jumps back at your closer range. Saba-chan frowns and in an Army Sargent tone of voice "Right, Up against the wall."  
  
It's your turn to blink "Pardon?" surely you misheard the slightly unstable author. "I said up against the wall, and I want your hands where I can see them." You stare blankly as you try and process the odd request.you just have to be certain. "Come again?" Saba-chan let's out an annoyed sound " Up against the wall, your back to me, hands where I can see them, now." Hopefully it was all a hallucination, a very real hallucination.  
  
Hesitantly you wall towards the nearest wall put your hands out on the wall in front of you and stand an arm length away. Your have a slightly disturbed and incredibly worried for your safety look on your face. Why shouldn't you be worried? You had your back to a loony Saba-chan who was in the same vicinity as a sharpened knife. You have every damn right to be worried for your safety.  
  
Suddenly you feel a pair of hands on your shoulders, you start to turn your head when Saba-chan voice stops you "Eyes forward pal." You swallow slightly; you can just see the homicidal glint in her eyes now. Her hands begin to pat down your shoulders and down the sides of you torso, furrow your brow in confusion and Saba-chan's hands reach your waist. As they continue down your hips your mind whirls with one question "'What the hell is she doing?'" apparently you said that out loud too, cause Saba-chan answered, somewhat, your question. "I'm checking you for weapons of torture, like pitchforks, ice picks and baseball bats." You are quiet for a few seconds trying to work out what the hell Saba-chan is talking about. "Oh". Is all you seem to be able to say.  
  
Saba-chan's hands have reached the ankle of you left leg. Her hands move to the ankle of your right leg and begin to pat their way up. As her hands come close to your upper thigh you jump to the side and in the process remove her hands from your leg. "I can assure you that I don't have any 'weapons of torture' anywhere on my body." Saba-chan rises from her knees and rests her hands on her hips, a frown on her face. "Then if you DON'T have any, why are you here?" You scratch the back of your head "Because this is an update."  
  
Saba-chan's frown turned into one of confusion "I updated?" You sweat drop "Um.yeah...what do you call this?" Saba-chan laughs suddenly you take a step back, you want as much distance you can get between you and the crazy author with out her noticing. "This isn't a update, it's a A.N.!"  
  
You can feel your left eye twitch, all this and it's just a freaking A.N?!! What the hell have you been reading this for? You thought this was an actual update. Damn, you really wish you hadn't left your hatchet at home in weapon space. "So, I'm guessing you want to hurt me now huh?" Saba-chan said in a nonchalant voice. "How can you tell." Your voice dripping with sarcasm. "Well your eyes twitching" Saba-chan taps her left eye. Your left eye twitches more, and you curl your knuckles into fists. "But, before you beat me brutally let me tell you why I put up an A.N."  
  
Your left eye still continues to twitch but you uncurl your fists. ".Fine, but hurry up, your wasting valuable beating time." Saba-chan grins somewhat mischievously before walking towards the stool that she was previously sitting on, not surprisingly the stool had changed into a chair, Saba-chan snapped her fingers and another armed chair appeared. The wonders of a writer's universe. Saba-chan picked up the grounded knife and placed it on the table between the two chairs in front of her own as she sat. Saba-chan gestures at the other chair, you eye it sceptically, for all you know it could swallow you whole with Saba-chan being the odd child she is.  
  
Finally you sit down. "Okay, talk." It seems that your left eye has stopped twitch-no wait.it's changed to the right eye. You gaze lands on the shape and shiny silver knife on the table in front of you. What you'd give for that knife.  
  
"Okay for starters, No Internet connection means no update, not living in your own house for two weeks means no Internet, Having to pack for moving into a new house means forbidden from computer, why I had to pack when were not moving in for three months is beyond me." Your rapidly twitching right eye slows to a steady twitch; you still want that knife to help in your beating process. Hey, she may have an excuse but hurting people is still one of your favourite pastimes, it's been awhile since you've last been able to.ever since your siblings locked themselves in their rooms three days ago. They won't last one more day.  
  
"So, if you could spend time typing this I think you should be able to write chapter 10." Saba-chan steeples her fingers (much like Monty Burns) and a dark look is brought onto her face. " First of all, this is a rant, rants come naturally, like breathing. And second I have written chapter 10." Your eyebrows rise slightly. "Then why have you posted this.A.N instead of Chapter 10?" You could have saved a lot of damned time if chapter 10 had been posted instead. Didn't Saba-chan know that's what the Author bios are for?  
  
" ..but, Daddy dearest decided he needed to clear out the computer hard- drive, and his computer intelligence being a 4, he deleted chapter 10 and then deleted it from the recycle bin before I could recover it. His computer skills only consist of deleting files. And how he only deleted chapter 10 is beyond me all the previous chapters were fine." Her voice was lethally quiet. "And do you know how hard it is to retype the whole chapter when you can't quite remember it all?" Saba-chan picks up the knife from the table and runs a finger idly down the smooth cool side of the curved blade. Saba-chan's eyes locked on you face, looking every part of the homicidal murderer you had earlier placed her to be.  
  
You swallow nervously. "So why were you sitting in the dark sharpening your knife?" luckily your voice didn't crack as Saba-chan broke into a very malicious grin. "Why I was just passing the time until Daddy dear got home from work, he needs to know how I feel about it when he deletes things on the computer, and the dark really did set the mood " You stare at Saba-chan who looks as if she'll break into insane laughter any minute. "So it was your fathers arms that you're going to slice off." Saba-chan grinned wider her eyes sparkling with glee. "Yep, right at the shoulders an easy. One, two"  
  
You lay back it your chair and rest your feet on the table in front of you. " So all of this was just to say that your dad deleted chapter 10, and your going to kill him." Saba-chan waved her finger at you in a 'tut-tut' fashion. "Mutilate not kill, mutilate. That way he'll learn, and plus I think my mother has some sort of emotional attachment to him, I can't see why though." You stare at Saba-chan in disbelief, who knew that she could be so violent and sadistic. Maybe writing in Sesshoumaru's point of view was really getting to her mentally. "I don't believe this." Your right eye twitches suddenly.  
  
Your attention is brought back to the fact that your still rather annoyed by all of this, the time spent reading the A.N., not having chapter 10, leaving your hatchet at home, Saba-chan freaking father, your siblings still held up in their rooms, its too far to that annoying jerk at schools house so you can't vent you frustrations on him, and you can't leave it for tomorrow morning you don't think you could last that long and still be sane. Your eye twitches again, damn eye.  
  
"So you want to stay and help me mutilate Daddy dear?" You look at Saba- chan in surprise; she merely raises an eyebrow, the homicidal glint still present. "You seriously want me to help attack you father." Saba-chan gives a slight shrug. "He's 6'4, I'll probably won't be able to bring him down by myself, I'm only 5'5 he's 9 inches taller than me, I need the extra help." You grin, and easy solution to the violent urges your having. "Sure why not."  
  
The sound of the front door un-locking is heard, followed by the door opening and footsteps coming closer to the room that you and Saba-chan are seated in. A tall, dark haired man with glasses walks into the doorway. He stops and pushes his slipping glasses back onto the bridge of his nose. He blinks in surprise. "Saba-chan, what are you still doing up?"  
  
You and Saba-chan grin at each other. "Dad, I wanted to talk to you about something.." 


	11. Burning sensation

*The dead body of Saba-chan is seen laying face down on the ground in a pool of her own blood. (Thanks to Seproth, the 'Love:Seproth' kinda evened out the killing bit.) Sesshoumaru walks into the room and looks at the dead Saba-chan. Sesshoumaru sighs and crouches down next the dead body and pokes it with the sheathed Tensaiga. The body doesn't respond.  
  
Standing up he unsheathes the sword and swipes it at Saba-chan's dead body. Saba-chan doesn't move. Sesshoumaru pokes Saba-chan with his foot. Still no response. Frowning darkly at Saba-chan he slashes the Tensaiga again. Pokes her again and still gets no response. Sesshoumaru growls and slashes at Saba-chan repeatedly. Clearly he's pissed off.  
  
Kagome enters the room and walks up behind the still slashing Sesshoumaru. Saba-chan still appears dead. 'Stupid woman' Sesshoumaru growls at Saba- chan's corpse. Kagome smacks Sesshoumaru over the back of his head and takes the Tensaiga off him. 'You moron. It's not going to work your stuck in my body, meaning your human.' Sesshoumaru glares icily at Kagome and makes a very Inu-Yasha like 'Keh'  
  
Kagome smacks Sesshoumaru again and slashes the swards at Saba-chan's still lifeless body. A few seconds later, a groan is heard from Saba-chan's body. and she sits up rubbing her head. 'Hmm...maybe I should have checked Seproth more carefully for 'weapons of torture', then again swords aren't exactly weapons of torture.'  
  
Saba-chan stands up and stretches and several loud cracking noises are heard from Saba-chan. 'Hmm being dead really makes the joints stiff. Saba- chan arches her back and a loud 'Click' is heard and Saba-chan sits down in front of the computer screen. 'Good thing I'd almost finished rewriting chapter 10.  
  
Rewriting deleted work is a lot harder then it looks. Its really annoying the hell out of me, I'm thinking of making Sesshoumaru and Kagome voodoo dolls to vent out my frustrations..or I could always create more LBA's with the aid of my little bro..*Evil gleam becomes noticeable in Saba-chan eyes and begins to laugh evilly* Nya hahahahahahahahaha..  
  
*Runs off to find little brother, 5 minutes later screams of pain and 'Saba STOP!! Dear god what did I do this time??!!' are heard in a young male voice and readers can hear Saba-chan's voice 'Call it research, and stop squirming do you want me to tear your ears off?' 'If it stops you from breaking my leg' Ten minutes pass and Saba-chan comes back to the computer screen with a large grin of satisfaction one would find on a Homicidal maniac after they had killed Barney, (damned purple dinosaur..)* Okay I feel better.  
  
Stargate has meaning again, no longer do I watch it for the hell of it and get incredibly bored, Daniel Jackson has come back from his spirit white floaty thingy and back to human form. *sighs happily* he's my favourite character.  
  
Thanks to my beta's Rem and Wakoramaco87 for proofing chapter tem for me and reply so quickly. So again THANK YOOOOOOOU!!!!  
  
Disclaimer: Apparently there's it some legal thingy against using copyrighted characters in your own stories, and if I don't say I don't own them they will take all my money that's is strictly for manga. And I don't want to do that.  
  
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Being bound and left on the ground outside what appeared to be the miko's house was not exactly how I planned on managing this whole ordeal, Having the miko unconscious next to me was no added bonus either. My life was damned to an eternity of torment, most likely because of something I had done when I was younger was probably reason I was forced to endure all this or life hated me.  
  
So there I was, leaning against the side of the house-like building, the still unconscious woman next to myself and me left sitting wondering if it was a normal human sensation to have the ability not to be able to feel any of your fingers. When it happened.  
  
This human, full of undoubtedly abnormal energy came rushing from around the corner of the wall where I was situated and proceeded to jabber something in garbled Japanese, all of which I only understood two things. One he called me 'Neesama' apparently the wench was related to the incoherent human. And two 'Inuyasha' somehow he knew of my intolerable half- brother. Which strangely didn't surprise me due to the human child's uncanny behavioural patterns much like the Hanyou when he was a mere child. Not that he had changed much.  
  
But by now the child had stopped his rapid speech and was looking at me expectantly, oblivious to the fact I was still bound and the miko was still collapsed next to me. By the look of barely contain curiosity it wanted me to say something. I merely raised an eyebrow before the child sighed before repeating the question he had presumably asked somewhere within his rambling speech. "I said, how did you get Inuyasha to let you come back so early?" My eyes narrowed dangerously with in seconds.  
  
Call it a natural reaction of many a years of having to put up with that damned hanyou throughout my childhood. So I wasn't about to stop the deadly growl that toned my feminine voice as I answered the child's question. "Inuyasha is an imbecilic moron, who is a waste of time and breath to even spare one word to."  
  
The child merely closed his eyes before sighing dejectedly. "You had another fight with him, didn't you Neesama?" He then folded his arms over his chest and grumbled something about looking forward to seeing the pathetic half-breed. When the child opened his eyes again he finally noticed my bindings, which caused him to raise his eyebrows in surprise.  
  
"How did you get tied up Neesama?" I shot the child a death glare causing him to step back slightly. Did the wretched child think I was tied up for the fun of it? Well it is a human child, so undoubtedly he probably did. The child gave me a nervous look and swallowed solely before asking "Neesama..do..do you want me to untie you?" I glared darker at the child. "No, I figured I'd see how long it would take me to lose feeling in my body and then I thought I might as well watch the sunset while I was out here." My voice dripped with sarcasm.  
  
"Oh.." The boy blinked and was quiet for a few minutes. "So, was that sarcasm?" The child's tone was extremely innocent, almost too innocent. I continued to glare at the boy. "Yes, yes that was sarcasm." The boy grinned idiotically "I knew it Neesama". Really, he was a charming child.  
  
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What did the wench mean by 'I left her no choice?' Curiously I watch as she put a shiny flat circular object into a black box, Shut the lid and poked the box. I narrowed my eyes at the black box in suspicion and in a matter of seconds; some strange high-pitched wailing was coming from the black box.  
  
Pain was the first thing that came to mind, but no matter what that wench threw at me I would not succumb to her insanity causing torture. My eye started to twitch again, I've seem to be doing that's more than usual, The wailing continued to what seemed to be a tune of some kind.  
  
The wench's youkai face curled into one of glee as she blocked her ears. Obviously she believed she was winning, There was noway I was going to give the miko that amount of satisfaction. I gritted my teeth together as the wailing let out a short shriek.  
  
I was going to die like this, well better that then go to some pathetic human school. My weak human nails started to dig into my hand.  
  
Do not show any form of weakness, the first rule that had been ground into my mind since I was a child began to repeat over and over. It was the only thing that was keeping me from smashing the black box into the ground in a maddened frenzy. It was the kind of noise that made youkai's go insane and start foaming at the mouth, although I think that can be caused by some disease too.  
  
The wailing hit an unbearable high note causing me to wince in pain. I grit my teeth as the wailing continued in the high tune and I was a heartbeat away from stabbing the first sharp object I could find into my chest.  
  
The wench was pure evil, a fact I found extremely surprising due to her 'Good will triumph over evil' demeanour whenever the half-breed and myself battled. With her always firing her purifying arrows at me whenever I had the damned hanyou right where I wanted him. She really did keep up quite the act.  
  
If only I could find a way to bring her down with me, because at the rate I was loosing all rational thought she was surely going to win and there was no way I was going to let the wretched miko win.  
  
I was struck with the sudden thought. Why couldn't the wench go to the damned 'school'? If I had to go she was pretty damned well coming with me. I let a grin curl onto my face as I locked eyes the slightly confused woman. Probably thought I was beginning to enjoy the painful wailing.  
  
"Wench, I'll go to your damned 'school'." The woman grinned victoriously and pressed a clawed finger on the black box. "But only if you go with me." The woman's jaw dropped for several seconds before she responded. "WHAT??? I can't go! I'm not enrolled, it's not like they'd let me show up for the hell of it." I grinned again "Then that means I won't be attending you precious school."  
  
The wench's mouth kept opening and closing as she tried to retort something back, and failing quite miserably. Finally the wench managed to gather enough words to form a sentence towards her current situation. "That's practically blackmail!!" I grinned devilishly "Indeed it is miko."  
  
The wench held a clawed hand to her right temple as she sat down heavily in a plush looking chair. She let out a sigh of frustration before shaking her head in seemingly defeat. "Fine, you win." I smirked as I lay back against the wall behind me. Finally the wench was begging to see things my way.  
  
"I'll go with you to school." I face faulted.  
  
-------------------------------------------------  
  
It wasn't exactly the victory I was aiming for. The wench was supposed to admit defeat and stop bugging me about her whole 'School' episode. Clearly the woman wasn't as intelligent as she should be. My entire blackmail plan backfired in my face. Have I mention how much I detested the wench?  
  
Apparently the woman had devised a plan. The wench now stood next to some device she called a 'Teli-fowne' and pressing the small grey rectangles that emitted beeping noises every time she pressed them. Somehow the pressing of the grey rectangles were involved with her plan, I couldn't see how.  
  
The woman had stopped pressing the grey rectangles and was silent whilst she held the handle like object to her ear. It was all extremely odd behaviour even for the miko. Suddenly the wench started talking in a noticeably lowered voice, and not to me, in very bad Japanese.  
  
"Hello. This Senjuku high school yes? Headmaster to speak may I?" The wench paused for a moment before continuing in her horribly bad Japanese.  
  
" Marcus Dale I am." The miko paused again  
  
"Guildford Grammar High School I be phone from." I could help but stare as the wench continued her one sided conversation. Reminding me of Rin when she babbled randomly to herself whilst picking flowers/weeds.  
  
"Yes, Thankyou." The miko waited for a minute or so before continuing again. Still using the insanely deep voice.  
  
"Marcus Dale, yes. Ring I about exchange student...Amerika he be from."  
  
"He Japanese speak good yes..only two week."  
  
"Higurashi Kagome host be." I frowned at the wench as she continued to babble, and what this all had to do with her plan I had no idea.  
  
" He be Lord Sesshoumaru. Tomorrow start Sesshoumaru." Now that last grammatically incorrect sentence caught my attention. What the heck did I have to do with the one sided conversation.  
  
"Yes,...Yes..In Higurashi Kagome same class? Yes..good."  
  
"Yes..much thank you."  
  
"Goodbye, again thankyou ." The wench placed the handle that had stayed over her ear the whole conversation back in the indent she had got it from. She let out a sigh of apparent relief before explaining what she had just done.  
  
"Well I've just secured a way for me to go to school with you." I looked at the miko blankly waiting for her to continue. "I simply told the headmaster that I was an exchange student from America, only staying on a two week basis, although how I got permission on such short notice is practically unbelievable. But on the plus side at least the schools not making me pay." I raised and eyebrow at the wenches summarisation.  
  
"Joy." I remarked dryly. "Oh yeah I managed to get all 'Sesshoumaru's' classes in the same classes that you'll be attending." Great everything's just bloody perfect, but at least the wench will have to suffer with me.  
  
"Oh yes, Sesshoumaru. Before I forget, you'll have to learn a few things before you go to school tomorrow." The wenches voice sounded positively evil. I narrowed my eyes at the wench who's face was beginning to show signs of a smirk. "Which are?" I questioned cautiously. The smirk broke into a full-fledged grin, before the wench grabbed me by the wrist, using her now youkai speed to her advantage, and dragged me behind her up the stairs and into what appeared to be the wench's room.  
  
Then the wench shoved me into a wooden chair in front of a desk and pulled out several a books placing them down in front of me. I stared at the pile of thick books before me. Turning my gaze towards the miko I raised and eyebrow in question. "Alright Sesshoumaru, I want you to answer all the maths questions in this book from chapter 6 to 13 and then read all of the other book when your done.  
  
Looked at the miko for a few minutes before turning my gaze back to the stack of books. "No." The wench growled venomously at me. Ten minutes later I was halfway through chapter 6, my head still hurt and it looked like I was in for a long night.  
  
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Four hours worth of solving relatively easy maths problems and reading three 600 plus page books on biology, history, geography and science later the wench dragged me off to another room and dragged me inside. The wench was really dragging me a lot lately.  
  
It was a bathroom. A very small and white bathroom.  
  
The wench finally left me alone to bathe, in what she called a 'Choa-war'. After explaining the finer elements of using the device, which she took close to half an hour to do so, she roughly clad me in a 'Bee-ki-nee', what basically looked like her previous undergarments but apparently they were different. She then promptly threatened me ('if you so much as make one inch of that Bikini cease to make contact with your skin and you will find that your legs will cease to function') with bodily harm if I removed the scanty garment, to which I replied to with a grunt and cause her hand to smack me in the back of the skull, again.  
  
I scowled at the 'Choa-war' before turning the red and blue nobs on smooth white wall. A spray of amazingly clean water shot out of the silver object attached to the wall, exactly like when the wench had demonstrated earlier.  
  
Cautiously I stepped under the watery spray only to find it Ice cold, Unnaturally I let out a shriek before turning the red knob more, just to be scalded by boiling hot water in return. Is everything the wench owns made to inflict pain?  
  
How humans can bathe normally I'll never know. Fortunately after twisting the red and blue knobs enough the stream of water that was raining down on me came to a comfortable temperature. That's about the time I noticed the oddly coloured bottles that stood on the hanging shelf on the 'Choa-war' wall.  
  
There was five bottles on that wall displaying their coloured contents. Well logic spoke, and obviously they would be used for bathing. Why else would humans keep them in here? To look at? ..then again they probably would.  
  
Eyeing the bottles on the shelf with great consideration I finally chose the green coloured liquid. Green objects have never been against me before. Pulling the bottle off its slightly inclosed shelf. After a few seconds to see how to open up the bottle, I flipped the clear lid on the bottle up.  
  
A slight sent tickled my weak human smell senses. Lifting the bottle to my nose I sniffled delicately, and unsuccessfully smelled the bottles fragrance. Squeezing the strangely flexible bottle in order to bring the green liquid closer to the opening of the bottle to enable me to smell it's sent. Things would have been perfectly fine, if the liquid hadn't rushed upwards at an abnormally fast rate and shot painfully up my nostril.  
  
It burnt; it burnt like I was thrown into a pit of acid. Thus the episode of extreme pain started its cycle. In my thrashing of pain trying to cease the burning from my nose I hit the hanging shelf quite forcefully, that in turn caused the shelf to break off from where it was hanging and fall, still containing all its colourful bottles, onto my unsuspecting left foot.  
  
On the bright side of the pointed edge jamming itself into my foot, I was distracted from the burning in my nose to the throbbing pain of my foot. This caused me to clutch my foot with both hands and hop in what seemed to be a good idea to somehow ease the pain at the time, but like how many things seem to be a good idea. Key word SEEM. It wasn't.  
  
My hopping in the 'Choa-war' that still had the water running wasn't the best thing to do. Only balancing on one leg, in a human body, on a smooth floor slick with water led to the inevitable. My right foot slipped and skidded across the slick ground causing me to fall backwards and smack my very fragile human head on the solid stone-ish wall behind me and in the same motion stub a few toes on the opposite wall.  
  
I groaned from my seated, slightly crumpled, position on the ground. I've decided, I hate 'Choa-wars' with a deadly passion. Human contraptions are ultimately the most painful and annoying things in the world. Nothing in the miko's 'house' so far has been anything besides pain inflicting.  
  
What I'd give for a hot spring right about now.  
  
------------------------------------------------- A.N. You'd think being 5'5 wouldn't include you in the category of smacking your head on over head objects that most 6 ft and over people face everyday, for example my 6'2 friend whacked her head into a air- conditioning box that was on the outside wall of a church hall (school excursion), but they were very considerately positioned for all people who were 5'11 and under.  
  
My friend wasn't that thankful, she wanted to sue but unfortunately her parents had signed that excursion permission form that exempted all means of being able to sue, plus the Chaplin said it wasn't morally right of a Christian school student to rob the church of its financial earnings. My friends and I helped her make a voodoo doll of the Chaplin the next day.  
  
So what's that's got to do with being 5'5? I'll tell you. 5'5 is not a very impressive height but it does make me the third tallest in my immediate family. My dad as you know is a freaking beanpole, my older brother is around the same height and then their's me at my 5'5 and my mother and sister at 5'3 and my younger brother at I don't know what but he's only 12.  
  
Even more remarkable I'm fifth tallest put of my entire family, which also makes me the tallest female in my entire family, only by 1-2 inches. Sometimes three. Yep I'm a real giant.  
  
But this doesn't really help at all I'm still not able to get the last tin of spam from the top shelf without having to scale it. So in general I'm still really short. So you'd think being 2 inches taller than my mother wouldn't really matter. But I found out, quite painfully, it did. When my mother slammed the garage door into the top of my skull.  
  
How you ask? Well I'll tell you. My mother was going to drive me to work (still don't have my licence -_-') so she pull the garage door up, I stepped into the shed only to hear her say 'oh, wrong car' as soon I was half way in. So I drew back only to have the garage door rammed forcefully into the top of my skull.  
  
It really, really, really hurt. It still throbs now. My mother apologised saying she hadn't seen me, how I still don't know. And she took me to work. Being woken up at 7:30 am is bad enough on a Sunday morning but having a garage door rammed into your head really doesn't improve your mood. But on the brighter side I wasn't half asleep at work I was suffering from a possible concussion. I also blacked out for ten minutes at work. One minute I was standing waiting for the dough to finish mixing the next minute I was picking myself off the ground and found out ten minutes had passed.  
  
And you want to know the corniest thing? Had I been two inches shorter I wouldn't have had this lovely bump on my skull from the garage door. And the moral of this A.N?  
  
Over-head objects get us all in the end.  
  
~Saba-chan 


End file.
